Put on a happy face!

I smiled when I finally had a chance to check site stats. My numbers have seen a rather dramatic increase - the type of which usually happens when I'm doing particularly badly and am writing angry or depressed posts. I could imagine a couple anonymous readers rubbing their hands together in anticipated glee - 'Katie is happy,' they might think, 'and after this lasts a little while, they'll be a crash and she'll self-destruct and then the blog will get interesting!' Perhaps I underestimate some of you - and I don't doubt your sincerity if you've sent email or comments. In fact, I'm grateful - reading them has felt like a familiar and wonderful reminder of what's long been comforting in my life. But I have read a couple blogs - just sometimes! - because I feel like disaster is waiting and it makes me feel better about myself to know that other people sometimes fail spectacularly too. (I'm awful. I know. I'm sorry.) And I do like watching the recovery too - there's just something compelling about watching people being challenged. (Despite the excuse, I'm still awful. I know. I'm sorry.)

I'll admit to wondering when this is all going to end too, honestly. Perhaps work will grow impossibly hard and the friendly people will hate me for my ineptitude. Perhaps this invitation for next week that's surrounded with a glow of hope and happiness will be terrible and uncomfortable or he'll decide he doesn't like me after all. Maybe my house in the south won't sell and I'll be over-extended and resent the home I buy here. My car might break or I could fall down and hurt myself or something else that's terrible and horrible could happen. And my pretty, sparkling life could shatter into sharp pieces that pierce me as they fall.

I don't think it will happen. There may be glitches, but I think various situations look positive and promising and so I continue to be happy. I wake in the morning and say a prayer and keep an eye on the clock as I read email and blogs. I go to work and, yes, get a little bored, but I like the people and think the job is going to be fantastic. My parents arrive this weekend and I think there are affordable houses I could adore. I have a date next week (!!) and I'm enjoying the feeling of writing to someone who likes me. I really like him. And so I'm happy.

So it continues to be bright blue skies with happy, fluffy clouds around here. But I don't blame you if you're waiting for the storm - angry/sad/dramatic Katie is fun to read, but less fun to be. But I have plans with new friends for lunch tomorrow! I'm likely to buy a house this weekend! Laundry is only $1/load when I expected it to be $1.25! I turned in expense reports for moving today and beamed at the amount that will be reimbursed! Adam replied that it was no problem to take a few hours off here and there to get settled! It's all good. And - though it sounds a little crazy - I'm hopeful that it's going to get even better.