Thursday, December 21, 2017


I didn't finish my story.  I'm sorry.  I meant to!  But time passes so quickly and even a re-read of The Screwtape Letters which reminded me to spend time doing either worthwhile or joyful activities didn't tempt me sufficiently to log in and write.

I'll summarize. 

I bought a few items at Target before my interview - a silver water bottle, eye shadow brushes and a small box of dryer sheets.  I really love the way the smell and sometimes my skirts collect static in the winter and seek to cling. 

I had the dryer sheets in my Jeep when I was job seeking and they migrated to my new Cruz when I started my longer commute to my new job.  The scent has faded a bit but I sometimes open the console to search for a cord or Advil and the clean scent overwhelms me for a moment.  And I smile because I bounced back - quickly and happily and am so completely grateful for the nudge out of what was - for me - a bad situation and what has become a huge blessing in my life.

I don't even remember where I left off with the story. I was prepping for the in-person interview, right?  I went and it was wonderful - easy and exciting and I was heartbroken when my new boss noted that they were looking at other candidates and would let me know.  Still, I prayed on the drive home, assured everyone who asked that God would guide me along my path and worked to pull together my notes and update the spreadsheet I'd taken to the interview to demonstrate how I'd approach the role. 

Meanwhile, I transitioned out of my old job - moving tasks, having conversations and disengaging pretty easily from all but a few projects and people.  I crafted a moving (if somewhat passive aggressive) farewell email and continued to add people to LinkedIn. 

One Friday, I met with my old boss.  And attacked him for 25 minutes of our hour-long conversation.  I felt righteous in hurt and offense and still respect that he mostly sat quietly and let me vent, accepting the criticism and the loss of our friendship, not for the decision he'd made but for how he handled said decision.  I pushed a call to voicemail while I was mid "be a better person!" lecture and returned the call after I answered his work-related questions and joined another meeting.

"They called to confirm my salary," I told a colleague when I joined her, having just spoken to my recruiter.  "I think they're going to make an offer."  I nodded when she asked if a major collaborator had offered me something.  "They sent a role that would work and said they'd adjust the location for me.  But it's more the potential of something very similar to what I do here than the promise of something new."

So when HR called, I excused myself to answer.  And immediately accepted the offer - a raise, more vacation time, a bigger bonus, etc.  But I was euphoric over getting to do something new, work with this team of wonderfully talented and kind people.  Having the chance to reset and re-prioritize and start over the way I should have done it were I wiser 10 years ago.

I had lunch with the CEO.  Started reading books and abstracts.  Listening to podcasts.  Setting personal and professional goals.  Making note of where I'd gone wrong before so I could avoid those failures this time.  I talked to my new boss several times before I started last week and thought I loved him.

I was right - I love him.  He reminds me so much of Dad.  And I'm just ridiculously happy - I'm leaning so much and really want to bring my best self to help this company succeed.  So while I'm tired - mentally and physically - I also feel free.  As if I were in this Katie-made trap and someone opened the door and when I cowered in the corner of my cage, moved inside to force me outside. 

It's so beautiful out here. 

There's so much light and hope and grace. 

So while I fully expect I'll be disappointed with myself and my new company at some point, I hope this gratitude for the new chance persists.  That I continue to focus on who and what is good and enhance it. 

And if you're stuck or trapped or just sad, you'll be in my prayers.  I believe there is a path to something better - that we're not here to suffer endlessly.  Parts of the path may be painful but they lead to some spectacular views.