Amount Due

I left my parents' house feeling sad. Chienne was on her leash in the driveway, having made unsuccessful lunges to join me in the car. I blinked back tears as I waved and pulled up to the stop sign at the end of the road. I dabbed at the tears on my cheeks and turned left, the opposite direction from what was familiar.

Carrie, when she first moved into the house that she and Baldwin built, said she started volunteering. She was so awed by her good fortune that she didn't want the universe to look at her and realize that she was too happy. So perhaps by giving back to the community, the universe would look kindly on her and decide she was worthy of what she had.

I smiled when she told me this, adoring her and her quirks, and found myself frowning darkly after being pulled over for speeding on my trip back. Now, I freely admit I'm a notorious speeder. I don't like driving and going faster than is legal can cut hours of long trips. So I generally try to stay within a reasonable distance of the limit and watch out for people who might catch me. I was going neither and consequently was written a rather pricey ticket for my attempts to shave minutes off the remaining hour of my trip.

Fair enough, I decided, trying to be philosophical. I've long said I deserve to be fined for my bad habits. And balancing the hours saved in the 13+ years against 100+ dollars seemed a pretty reasonable price. But I still felt badly - it bothers me that I wasn't more careful. Now it's another thing I have to handle in these coming days.

I wonder if I've been too happy, I mused, wondering what volunteer programs I could contact straightaway. But last week didn't end particularly well. My house isn't selling - the neighborhood is just too iffy for most people to risk. Since I agree, it's hard for me to propose a solution. Arrest all children under 17? Implement gun control in a state where people are rabidly defending their right to tote weapons? I have another month in this hotel. It hurts me - I don't like it here and I want to move into my pretty house! I miss my dog.

"Hey, buddy," I said to Sprout when he made a graceful leap onto my bed last night. "How's it going?" I smiled when he rubbed his cheek against my palm. I smoothed his stripey coat, moving my hand over his head and down his spine while he cuddled and purred. "You're going to live with me again," I informed him. Blinking at me, he looked unconcerned but dubious. I miss him too.

This is home now. And it's good - I don't think I made a bad call. But I think I've been basking in the joy - taking comfort in it when I miss Friend or want to sleep on my soft blue sheets with all my snuggly pillows. I desperately want to sleep in, work from home, write and read and relax. Instead, I'm going to sleep early tonight. I have items on my schedule that require my attention.

After all, I need the salary. After all, it eventually costs money to drive too fast.