Say vs. Do

I think there's a basic choice between lingering in my thoughts versus translating them into some action. I get stuck in my head a lot - blogging helps me escape that to some extent. In fact, the problems that trouble me most haven't made it to the screen yet. Interesting.

The truth is that I've been busy lately. I try to consider a topic carefully, relate it to something else, differentiate between various feelings I might have. I enjoy doing that, which is good, I guess, since it's such a habit. But thoughts tend to scatter when actions crowd them out. I've been working, talking with people, had lunch with someone who reads my blog today (which was surprisingly comfortable, as she graciously didn't bring up that she knew a tremendous amount about me. I sincerely think that it's a good way to meet people - if you can tolerate reading me for any length of time, there's a decent chance you'd like me in person. I think. Plus, she was interesting, funny and delightful. I'm quite pleased it happened.), went to another meeting, cleaned and did laundry.

I'm still tired - can't seem to get enough rest at night. I still worry that research is moving far too slowly. I looked at my CV today at the request of a colleague and was sharply concerned over my meager publications. I was flattered this morning by my mention at the GRADual Progress Carnival (which I'm going to read right after I switch laundry around). Oh, at my meeting today I bounced wildly between pleasure that I designed an interesting study that could result in an excellent paper and terror that a fatal flaw had been discovered. I think there's a post waiting to be written over my lack of confidence in my ability and how it's paralyzed me to a great extent. My struggle to graduate near the end was bad, shopping for journals that would accept my papers is demoralizing, not getting the grant was depressing (though the summary statements are encouraging - I'll resubmit it at least once)... I find myself not wanting to work, I think, because my experience is that it all falls apart. I'm just waiting for some confound, bad review, unexpected null (and unpublishable) result. I think I'm starting to hope again - I came out of the meeting ready to work, which is relatively unusual. I didn't work though - I drove home to grocery shop. So maybe I'm not progressing as quickly as I'd like to think.

Ack - now I'm stuck in my head again. I'm going to put away the dishes I washed, do a bit more laundry and make sure the guest bathroom is acceptably clean.