Important work

"So." I said, breaking the silence and looking up from my salad. I was too exhausted to think, putting down my fork because even choosing my next bite of lettuce, turkey and pepper seemed impossibly hard.

I looked across the table at a grad student about my age. We graduated from undergrad in 2001 - I vaguely remembered thinking, "me too" upon hearing her tell someone when she finished college. She was pretty - really curly red hair, tall and slender, wearing a lovely scarf over her long sleeved knit top. I frowned over her scarf though - was she cold? Was it just to be pretty? Then I thought that if I had such an item, I would fold it up and use it as a pillow. Try to grab some sleep curled over the lunch table.

My contribution to the conversation so far? Kristen had been talking to her colleagues about going to Bangkok to do some research. I was impressed - work in malaria is quite interesting and not something I was aware of in my field. We had just finished the "who do you know" routine whereby academics tend to assess worth by mutual acquaintances. Kristen hadn't been in the field long enough to ask the right questions, so I played with one of her older friends. It took us until Mayo to find some connection, at which point we nodded and spoke again of far-off locations.

Bangkok, I thought. Wow. That's ... somewhere in Asia. Not China. Wait. Is it in China? You have Beijing, and - I'm so tired. I'd give anything to sleep. Let's just say Bangkok is in China and rest.

But they kept talking about protocols and patient care, and while I nodded, trying to keep my eyelids from drooping, I continued to ponder what country contained Bangkok.

"What language do they speak there?" I finally asked, trying to get a hint.

I think I scowled when she informed me that there were a couple of dialects.

"Well then, mostly what do they speak?" I inquired, almost ready to admit my stupidity and ask what country we were talking about. But no - I must maintain the illusion of intelligence, I told myself. I could always look it up later.

"Well, I'm trying to learn some Thai vocabulary words." Kristen smiled as she pulled a folded slip of paper out of her pocket to show me.

Thailand! It's even the capital! This is why I need the internet at all times, I decided. To check facts that I can't be bothered to remember. I considered admitting my ignorance yet again, then decided against it in favor of drinking more coffee. It's funny how we don't ask simple questions, I thought. So eager to look impressive and informed even when I'm not, I internally chastised.

We sat across from each other again the next day at lunch. This time I finished only half of my salad before turning to a peanut butter cookie for comfort in my sleepy state.

"So." I said - same statement - different day. We weren't sure we liked each other, I don't think. We were both tired, trying to stay awake and aware through the long days. She looked up at me, blinked, and waited.

"What do you think you want to do after you graduate?" I asked, bracing myself to hear yet another person expound on how they wanted to start with a faculty position.

"I'd like to do a post-doc." She replied, glancing down at my cookie. I broke it in half and offered her the section that I hadn't been tearing pieces from.

"You don't hear people say that often." I replied, now sad I had lost half my cookie.

"I like research." She continued, meeting my gaze as I nodded in understanding. "I don't really want to deal with students or teaching or writing grants in the beginning. I'd just like to do more work - learn, meet people, travel."

"That's a really good way to look at it." I said softly. "It is a good opportunity, actually. I opted out of some animal work - just didn't like it. And I wrote a grant because I wanted to do it - not because I really need the money. Plus, there's time off and seminars rather than classes and feeling a bit more accomplished than grad students, but with not all that much more responsibility. It's kind of cool."

She leaned closer. "I might do more than one."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Nobody wants to do more than one post-doc! Not even me!

"There's just so much to learn!" Kristen continued happily. "I mean, I do project A, but then you talk about your grant on something completely different. But then Rich Guy is excited about topic G, and I don't know anything about that. I get excited just thinking about how many places there are to go!"

I frowned. Being positive and sweet is my thing. Why was she stealing it from me when I was too tired to fight for it?! But now I was jealous of her enthusiasm so I mustered some energy.

"There is a lot to learn - more than I have time to deal with, certainly. I think you're amazing, actually. To have a couple years left in grad school after already spending 5 getting to this point. Then to be so thrilled with learning more. Wow."

Kristen shrugged and finished her section of cookie. "I like what I do. I think it helps people. I make some money, feel challenged, get to talk to some really bright people. Some days suck pretty bad, but then there are good days - you read a paper that gives you some great idea, hear a seminar you love, get to talk to someone who has written books and papers, go to a really good meeting in an exotic place."

"Get to study malaria in Bangkok?" I continued for her, smiling now, feeling more awake.

"Exactly! It's hard - crazy hot and the nurses don't speak much English and I don't speak enough Thai - but I feel like I'm accomplishing something. Doing important work."

She is. The science she's doing is impressive, to say the least. But sitting with me that day was pretty important too. Her lack of pretence, excitement over the work we do, the sparkle when she thought of opportunity - it made me feel grateful to be there, finishing my half cookie and heading back to the classroom. I think the important work sometimes comes in encouraging each other - providing some validation and a little nudge that we could enjoy our current positions a bit more while we're in them.

I have no desire to go to Thailand (since I now remember that's where Bangkok is located). I do, however, hope that I can provide someone else with the boost in mood Kristen provided for me. Because post-doctoral fellowships, despite some problems, have the potential to be pretty lovely.

*My dear Windows users - sorry for the earlier ugliness! I think I finally fixed it. But, seriously folks, you know I'll love you regardless, but have you thought about Firefox? I'm so much prettier in Firefox.