Let's reevaluate - The Plan: Month 6

I think - though I'm quite tired again and don't feel like dealing with The Plan (I think the honeymoon is over) - it's time to change up some of these goals. The idea was that it was more a longterm focus with more immediate goals. So I'm trying to rethink as well as update progress.

1. Health
I've actually gained weight recently. It's probably all the comfort eating I've been doing, but it's bothering me a considerable amount. I noticed that Winnie's violet had flowers this morning. I gasped when I saw them - I've had the plant for months and it has created nary a purple petal for me.

"It needs food, water and light. Not too much or too little of any." Dr. Counselor continues to say when I report on my lack of flowers each week. "You care for it, and it will eventually bloom."

I think the approach needs to hold for me. It's not about losing weight and being attractive to others. It's about taking longer walks and seeking the steeper hills, drinking much more water and much less diet soda (I do love diet Pepsi though...), eating smaller meals more often rather than gorging on dinner after being hungry all day. Doing aerobics on some sort of routine because I really feel good afterward. I think this is important overall - no tiny goals here, just an overall attitude shift.

Well, maybe a couple of tiny goals. The battle won't be won with breakfast - I see that now. I do, however, love Campbell's soups and can easily take a can to work for lunch. I had chicken wonton today and it was fantastic. Given that I normally either eat out with Friend or skip the meal completely, it should help with productivity and health. Then there's walking, water and aerobics. We'll see how it goes.

2. God
Still no Sunday School, sad to say. I do want to join my current church, so I need to start showing up at 8:45 for a new members class. I think it would be good for me.

There also needs to be more time for dedicated prayer. I think doing devotionals before my morning walk would help. I think nightly prayers are also important for me.

3. Professional
I need to figure out what I want here. I think I want to leave next summer. So the focus for me isn't so much on grants and building collaborations as getting some freaking data so I can write papers. So instead of trying to please everyone, I'm trying to stay focused on what I need to do to get out and move on.
Project M - Preparation continues and we're nearly ready. I'm going to start pushing for new patients next week.

"Recruitment is a priority." Dr. Icing said to a colleague while I was in his office. "Katie needs the patients."

"For my emotional well-being." I clarified when he looked confused. "I really want some data."

Dr. Frosting (to go with Dr. Icing) smiled and nodded. "I understand completely."

Project X - We're restructuring our control group to recruit patients with greater ease. This will me more paperwork and planning, but I think it might actually happen too.
Project P - We did an experiment - it's sort of working. We could do more if anyone would push, but it's just not a priority for me right now. If I can get M and X off the ground, I'll reevaluate that.
Projects F - The papers both came out this month - I'm quite pleased. So the other little guys are going to move into a single category. H - Penguin still has it. I will be an author though, so I'll just wait to hear something new. B - Steve has it. He said he could finish it and doesn't need more from me. A - Work with no reward. It's menial and I don't mind, but eh. C - could be called off completely. It's up in the air.

4. Social
I don't know.

I went to dinner with Cousin, et al., tonight. It was funny and exhausting and strange. Little Cousin has a runny nose and coughs a lot. She also wanted to run around the restaurant and touch everything with her sticky little hands. I found myself feeling OK about going home alone to peace and quiet.

Then they decided to take out Little Cousin's carseat and convert it to a booster. Cousin tried and rolled her eyes.

"Jay?" She called. "I'm not strong enough to pull that belt off."

"I can't fit my hand in there." He said after he returned to the car and tugged at something.

They ended up looking at each other over the seat - he on the driver's side, she on the passenger's, both lying across the backseat, trying to release some mechanism. I stood with Little Cousin at the rear of the car while she played in the back of the SUV. There was a single moment where Cousin and Jay were staring at each other, not speaking, both of them working on their respective side of the seat to solve this single problem. And I was struck with how lovely it was. Having a partner. And just for a second, I couldn't breathe past the pain that I may not find that or the intensity of how much I want it.

I don't have a plan for how to get it. I am, however, writing a book about how my past plans have failed to produce it.

5. Family
I've been home recently - it was a priority and I made the trip. I've seen Little Cousin a couple of times in the last week - I do love her and am glad she finally appears to be warming to me. The overall plan is to be closer to my parents and Little One so that I can be a part of their lives. I want that very much too.

6. Service
I think the women's shelter is the way to go. I missed last week - just forgot about it completely - and have a meeting scheduled this week. So I'll get back to it next week.

I'm down tonight. Not tremendously so, but I'm finding I'm not very close to what I want in general. And I don't really have a firm idea on how to get there. But I can do some work in taking care of myself in the meantime - perhaps that will bring some clarity.