But

My chapter is coming along - it's becoming very readable and, I think, useful. I'm pleased with it despite some problems in getting the last piece of analysis to work right. It's also a bit short - I'll work on adding another technique or more description to it this weekend.

I mowed the jungle that my lawn had become yesterday. It took hours as I inched through the too-tall grass and weeds, hoping the mower wouldn't stutter to a stop, requiring me to drag it to the patio and restart it. I took Chienne for a walk this morning and was pleased at how nice it looks now - all short and clean and smelling of cut grass.

Friend returned last night - at my request - and we had brownies with caramel. That was nice. The chocolate and the not being alone.

I'm heading north this weekend to spend several days with my parents. I'm stressed about being away, but it should be good for me to see them.

I'm busy - data to analyze, forms to revise, meetings to attend. I'd rather be busy than not - it makes time go faster.

But. I would like to curl up in a ball and hope nobody notices me. I wish it were dark and rainy and I could stay home today and wallow in sadness. I'm really trying to cope through this particular episode - retain some functionality, keep doing my job, taking care of daily tasks - but the effort is rather extreme in some moments. I'm tired. And sad. And I want this to stop being so hard right now.