Search Terms

I've been thinking of writing another 100 Things post. But they're so much work, honestly. Looking through links, thinking of facts, making sure all the old stories aren't too revealing. Instead, since my relationship with SiteMeter rests somewhere between overly-friendly and nearly-obsessive, I decided to link to posts that are read most frequently by strangers. After all, on a holiday weekend, perhaps someone would like to click back and read something I've written before! No? Just me? Fair enough.

"Question Game"
My most popular search term goes to a post (for I'm #2 on Google) that's not particularly great. I'm not sure which question game people are referring to, but, for me, this is it. And I've played exactly twice.

The confession here is that I'm pretty good at flirting online. It's easy for me to find something attractive about various men who read and write blogs so I'm genuinely interested in what they think. I type quite quickly so exchange of innuendo is satisfyingly paced. I'm reasonably funny and nearly adorable at times and I've finally reached the point where I don't expect much more than mild entertainment from these fellows. (Does that make me sound cyber-slutty? Over the course of 3+years, there have been 6 men. So it's not like I'm breaking records here.) Anyway. While the question game is a boring post, it occupied a rather delightful evening with someone who is a rather big deal in the blogging world. I remember sitting on my couch early in my post-doc, feeling utterly enamored of the fact that I was spending time with someone I thought was sharply talented. So I giggled and fluttered and enjoyed the exchange of random facts and flattering comments. Good times.

"Transitional Relationships"
I top the Google list here, sadly, and it never fails to make my tummy hurt and my heart ache a bit when someone new arrives to read my thoughts on this abomination of human behavior.

You see, there was a time before my enlightenment on entertainment versus attachment when it comes to men online. In my experience, men tend toward email friendships when they're figuring something out - a need for space combines with a craving for contact and that's where chatting comes in. Then a decision is made, life circumstances shift and I'm left without an email buddy. It's always a bit sad, but - if put in perspective - it's not the end of the world.

Worst case scenario is seriously falling for someone. There's this odd combination of being entirely infatuated with who he appears to be and imaging that everything you don't know aligns to your expectations perfectly. So, early on, I fell in love with someone and, um, it didn't end well. A number of factors played in, but I fixated on the fact that someone was getting over a serious relationship. Hence my seething hatred for the concept of hurting someone new to get over someone old and my utter contempt for those who aren't apporpriately regretful about their part in such a horrible act.

"What does D&D mean?"
Oh, this is a better one! For every time I see that search term, I think, "Dungeons and Dragons, my dear" and grin. I did some blind dating in grad school.

"To Whom it May Concern"
This is another one I like people to read. I think it's light and funny and rather darling. Cover letters can be fun.

"Red velvet cake" + "moist" or "dry"
I'm very sorry, bakers. I don't know anything about how the cake is made - a fact utterly obvious if you read the post. I was trying to be clever with an analogy! About how nothing is ever perfect and expectations to that end will lead in disappointment. Which, interestingly enough, leads you to disappointment if you're looking for baking tips. Again, my apologies.

And then there are the minor ones -
Gnats - Look for sources of water. And spray stuff on your plants. Oh, and I'm so deeply sorry for you - gnats are evil and must be destroyed.
Lip twitching - Happens to me when I grow enraged or extremely nervous. It'll go away.
Puppy paws and stings - I have no training in animal emergencies so the official answer is get thee to a vet. But, were it me, I'd try to pluck out the stinger, give an antihistimine and apply antibiotic/anti-pain ointment. But I just write a blog, so, really, see a vet.
Minor Revisions - Then there are the people who look for me, which never fails to make me curious. Did you used to read and are checking in to see how I am? Pretty much the same - different place, a new job, similar problems to the past. But there's something lovely about how posts continue to accumulate in the hope that someone finds something useful here. Or, at the very least, sends me a moderately flirtatious email.