Vantage Point

"Thoughts?" I asked Adam at the end of our biweekly meeting today. I love working for him - he's involved and busy, yet makes time to sit and talk to each of us individually - provide feedback, offer insight and talk through issues and problems. He's fantastic and funny and pushes me to try harder and do more. Those of you who've read me for a while may recall I had a bit of a crush on him while I was interviewing. I'm over that, but I still find him charming and funny - I'm glad I decided to work for him.

"Focus. Prioritize. Don't get caught up in the trivial tasks," he said and I nodded. I've shared that I struggle to get work done - I could answer email, take phone calls and attend meetings for 10 hours every day. Unfortunately, few of those things truly fit my job description - I'm just happy to help and interested in learning so I go and work and figure things out. But those critical tasks suffer and I frown over being too tired at night to deal with them.

"I'm going to work on my paper," I told Dad this evening and walked upstairs to my bedroom to revise text and write responses to reviewers and check figure quality. I got through it by sheer force of will. I just struggle to care and engage in the work anymore. With distance, it seems somehow harder than it should have been. More stressful and subjective and less worthy of my sleepy attention.

"I wondered," I told Carrie tonight, "if I'd slip back into sparse attendance mode when I moved into my pretty new house. But I didn't - I get up and get ready and go to work because that's where I belong. I do my job and leave at the end of the day and though I feel like it's all I do, I still enjoy my job."

"Crap," I thought an hour ago, eager for sleep and needing to pack a bag for an overnight trip I'm taking tomorrow. "I need to write a blog post." And I love to write blog posts! It makes me feel like the day is complete once I document some errant thought or little story. But my energy is maxed out - work and moving in and yelling at the relocation company who dropped the sale of my house and left Realtor to fix everything himself and are still demanding money from him. I had to get angry with them and it exhausted me. And I'm good at being stern and disapproving!

I nodded at Adam's advice and sighed. "I just don't see things clearly yet," I told him. I'm stuck in the middle of this transition and I can't tell how to allocate time or structure my priorities.

"You're getting it," he said, glancing at me before turning his attention to his email. "Just stay focused."

In the event that sleep will make that easier, I'm going to bed to listen to the crickets and bask in the cool air coming through the screen door at the foot of my bed. And I very much hope you're all well and that I soon return to better stories and more thoughtful posts. Until then, I remain sleepily yours.