Continued

I am sorry to report that the plan has failed in spectacular fashion.

Well, I did put part 1 away upon its completion. Mostly. I reread a couple of sections and am still picking up typos and while I didn't completely agree with the only notes I have received so far, the main point is likely correct. So I'll be rewriting some sections eventually. The solution to the problem isn't immediately appealing though, so I'll leave it for later.

The real snag is that the end is absolutely clear in my mind. To the point where I can't nap for composing paragraphs or outlining chapter order. Which is ridiculous, obviously, but once started, I feel this craving to finish.

The only cause for concern is that there are some chapters that are troublesome. I'm not sure if people noticed, but I was a little crazy at this point last year. And while thinking about myself as this bright, hopeful, giddy twit that my character plays in the beginning did induce many, many cringes of embarrassment and horror ("Oh, stop talking!" I beg my heroine. "You're so incredibly silly. Please just stop!"), some of the ending chapters make me blink in worry that I was that disconnected from reality. And so some chapters make me cry a bit. I try to shy away from the emotional excesses my character seeks, so it feels weird to weep over my laptop.

Yet as I try to decide if Poppy (that's her name) is stupid or naive or deeply disturbed, I find her interesting. She's very intense and dramatic and has interesting thoughts and problems. She's completely in love and she's going to be completely crushed and she has all these valuable conversations (some of them are even with other people!). I don't always like her, but I do enjoy writing her.

I, on the other hand, am more settled. Especially when writing about my first year at work, I'm stunningly grateful that I have since figured out pieces of my career. I no longer feel lost and useless and working on some additional analysis Boss requested for the paper last night was soothing. And when the sirens outside distracted me from my book at midnight, I sat on the floor and watched a girl sit on the ground in handcuffs while the police searched her car. Adjusting the blinds so that the brightest of the flashing lights couldn't directly meet my eyes, Sprout and I peered out the side window and decided that being boring had its perks. No sitting on the ground in the hot summer with your hands chained behind your back. Nice.

So the boredom on this blog should continue here for a while. Sometimes things don't work out like I want them to.