Tuesday, September 01, 2009


"I'll do it," I offered yesterday, speaking softly and smiling when four faces turned toward me in surprise. "I know how," I continued when they remained silent. "I even did a post-doc. I can write code and take data and analyze results."

"Of course," the project leader finally replied when his three scientists continued to look bewildered. "But we just needed you to approve the plan. Adam..." he trailed off, looking uncertain.

"Adam doesn't come to the labs," I assured him. Eager to escape my office - the ringing phone and continuously-arriving email - I wanted to remain in the working space of the building. After I literally shooed them away, they left me to work and I spent the next 10 hours carefully looking for bugs and writing down measurements and squinting at computer screens.

"No," I stated today in sharp contrast to my helpfulness of yesterday, though the speechless reactions of surprise were much the same from this group. "I don't think it's important," I explained, "and I'm not doing it." I looked around and frowned at the lack of reaction to my grand announcement. "No," I said again, just to be clear.

We did finally argue and I got to raise my voice a bit as I battled my way to victory. Pleased with myself, I returned to my desk and set to catching up from my absence last week and day in the labs yesterday. I excused myself from a meeting at 5:15, explaining that my parents were waiting at my house and that I wanted to see them.

After giving hugs and having dinner, we've scattered throughout the house for the evening. Dad's watching television in the living room while Mom plays on the computer in my office. I'm OK - certainly much better than last week, but I still feel flat a lot of the time, but with sharp bursts of moodiness. Each day gets easier though so it's getting to be time to thank you for bearing with me over the last few weeks. I am quite grateful.


Amanda@Lady Scientist said...

I'm so glad that you're doing better than last week. It also sounds like volunteering to help with the code-type-stuff was good for you (I'd imagine that it's nice to get out of the office and its constant demands). I hope that you continue to feel better!

Psych Post Doc said...

Glad you're feeling better, sounds like it's helpful to have your parents there. I hope you continue on the road to feeling good .

JaneB said...

Hugs, and so glad to hear that things are starting to pick up for you.

Digger said...

Happy to hear you are doing better.

Seeking Solace said...

Wonderful news. I am so happy you are doing better.

Amelie said...

I, too, am glad to hear that you're better. Hope the trend continues!

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