Sunday, October 14, 2007

Admitting Failure

"Sprout decided to stay home for this trip." I announced on my third call home this morning. I had awakened at 6 and was prepared to leave. At the sight of the suitcase, the cat trotted to the end of the hall and hid. He remained unseen for the next two hours. I watched TV. I took a shower. I offered food and his laser pointer. I looked under beds and in tiny holes. I called home for ideas.

Then I left without him.

"Yes." I answered when Mom asked if he'd get lonely and bored without me and his canine friend. "But there are consequences to actions. If he won't come out to allow me to capture him, he has to stay alone. Those are the options and he selected this one."

The drive home was easier without him talking and hissing from the back of the car. Chienne and I made three stops to stretch our legs, get gas or grab a snack. She's a good traveler, sleeping some, looking some, whining very little. The car was lightly packed - I have a few clothes, some gifts for Smallest and Little One, and my new laptop bag neatly organized for my trip.

I listened to a book on the way home - I like that series, finding it cute and easy and very well written. It's very easy to let supernatural stories drift into laughable, but this one is a little silly and quite entertaining. I approve and am disappointed that this appears to be the last one.

I feel flushed and...odd. Not awful, but not particularly well.

I sighed at the sense of failure when Carrie wrote to tell me that she's assign her project to someone else. She soothed and took care not to make me feel badly, but it's still sucky. I should have been able to do this, but I couldn't. And I don't have the time to start over and fix it. Which means I suck. And while there is an element of relief in having admitted it and having the responsibility go elsewhere, there is the lingering feeling of unpleasant realization that there are some projects - even simple, straightforward ones - that leave me lost.

And I will mildly worry over my stripey feline who is staying home alone for the next few days.


life_of_a_fool said...

Your stripey feline may well be happier at home. While I feel awful when I leave my cats at home, I am pretty sure they prefer this to going on a long car ride (Really, they'd prefer that we all stay home where we belong, but if they can't have that. . .)

Re: the project. Yes, it's sucky, but it happens to the best of us.

post-doc said...

I'm torn on this. I do agree that he hates the trip home. But then he enjoys my parents and sitting in the window and playing. I have left him home once before and he was fine. But he stuck to me like glue upon my return, so I reasoned that he didn't love the isolation.

But, yes. He believes we should all stay home. So we'll see how he does when that principle just applies to him. :)

Anonymous said...

it's true, you do not suck.

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