Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Tuesday morning, still home

I woke at 3AM, ready to help, but without a Mom to care for. I got sad and wandered the house, took a shower, unable to rest because I had energy that I was ready to give and nobody to take it. I finally ended up on the couch, Sprout curled on my lap, and the soft fur, warm body and gentle purring lulled me enough that I could rejoin Chienne in the bedroom and rest.

It is difficult to alter routines. I physically hurt upon arriving home - the strain of helping Mom move around, the different sleep patterns, having people and noise when I'm used to quiet. But now I miss the noise, want desperately to walk down the hall to peek in on Mom in the morning's early hours, providing company when I inevitably find her awake. There is a tangible feeling of loss - my primary purpose for the past week is now hundreds of miles away.

So perhaps be prepared for posts to come that lament my single status and lack of my own family. Just a small warning.

I did talk to her this morning. She's doing well. Dad, however, sounded tired, offering that she didn't sleep well last night. It sounded to me as if last night was normal - he was up to rub her calves and try to ice and help and feel useless. He will adjust into waking again though. She liked sleeping in the guest bedroom, finding the 2 mattresses on the daybed raised her high enough so stand on her own. She had a nice time with Aunt yesterday and it sounds as though Aunt cooked enough to feed any army for several days. They see the doctor this afternoon and she promised to call on the way home.

I did bite back advice several times - I would do things differently, but they are doing fine. I need to let them be.

As for me, I made coffee in a super-clean coffeepot (thanks, Friend!) and had a couple of grapes (again, expressions of appreciation to Friend) after sleeping on clean sheets (I owe Friend a lot). I have answered email from work that I've ignored and must tackle personal correspondence later today. I have reading to do and work to consider. I need to try to force my focus back to what I do here.

The one constant - thanks to Friend's wireless router I installed at my parents' house (seriously - I have the best Friend ever.), I stayed involved with blogs. There is considerable comfort in reading about problems and accomplishments of people who live on the other side of the computer. I keep saying it, but I really do appreciate the thoughts and well wishes, having you read about moments that were likely dull for you but difficult for me. And I loved being able to read and think while here at my house and home at my parents'.

Now if I can remember where my cable channels are instead of pressing buttons that correspond to my parents' listings, I should be all set.

Oh, and I listened to more of The Thirteenth Tale on the way back yesterday. Seriously, people. Excellent, wonderful, amazing book. It's as good a book as Friend is a friend.


TitleTroubles said...

Seriously, woman, that coffee pot was freaking scary. I did that for me.

Kisha said...

Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

i feel like i'm reading my own story. it was so hard to leave my parents and i feel weird/sad/alone here when i am not at work and it is hard getting used to things all over again... i hope your mom keeps on improving and gets all better fast!

rented life said...

My grandma has a cheat sheet when she stays with my parents for the cable channels--as they aren't the same as hers. Maybe you need one.

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