Easter

The flame of the white candle didn’t flicker, the light strong and sure against the backdrop of gorgeous white lilies as a children’s choir sang unfamiliar lyrics set to Ode to Joy. Church was crowded and rich. I think congregations tend to show off for Easter services – we’re grateful and happy and full of praise. The organ seems louder, the voices blend better, the sermon is a bit more heartfelt. The baby that was baptized did amazingly well, not flinching as the water was scooped on his tiny head, looking around with calm curiosity as he was carried through aisles made narrow by the insertion of additional chairs to seat the many visitors.

Dinner at Cousin’s was nice as well. Ham, cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole. We talked and ate and I helped clean up. My heart was soothed by spending time with at least one family member on a holiday. I got hugs from Cousin, Jay and Little Cousin. It was good.

I’m making progress on my novel and book chapter. I’m really pleased with both.

I finished mowing my lawn – it looks so much better than my neighbors’!

I got a high score at Chuzzle. I’m really quite awesome.

And yet I’m freaking out. I need a specific experiment time and in the absence of Calendar Controllers, I assumed I could have it. When Calendar Controllers got back to me this afternoon, I was told someone had already taken it. Which SUCKS since I need it for reasons that are relatively complicated. So I asked Calendar Controller if she could help me out at all, then asked Girl who Stole my Spot if she could start later. But I’m upset and worried and frazzled.

It turns out that the cup of coffee that kept me awake after dinner so I could do work was a bad idea – it’s making me all hyper with nervous energy.

And it’s Easter. A day for gratitude for this huge blessing and all this hope. A day for family and food and comfort. Yet I’m stuck on this small issue that can hopefully be resolved. If not, it’ll be OK. The small problems seem important because I fixate on them, but they really aren’t that big a deal. I should really calm down. And I’ll try. I took Advil PM (switching it up from the Tylenol to fight my headache and encourage sleep. Last night I had a dream that these gigantic mice (as in bigger than me and standing upright) were keeping me in a room. They weren’t being mean, per se, but they blocked the door and refused to let me leave. I don’t know why I shared that other than it made me wake up and wonder what was wrong with my poor brain.) and hope to sleep peacefully until I have to deal with my day tomorrow. I’ll work some more on my chapter before bed, having already spent a couple hours making my figures all pretty. That makes me happy. I’ll pray and have a bit of leftover salad from dinner.

I feel better having written that actually. So it was a sucky blog post, but rather therapeutic regardless. I’ll take what I can get at this point though.