Not Now

I have been procrastinating on car maintenance. My oil needed to be changed about 1000 miles ago and Dad keeps making noise about the transmission fluid. And how the car isn’t supposed to jerk so wildly when it shifts. So I make the appropriate noises of agreement and just keep driving the car.

But I don’t particularly want to use my AAA membership in order to have the car towed and transmission replaced, so it lingers in my mind. I should take the car in. I don’t need an appointment – they open at 7 and I’ve never had to wait when I go early on a weekday. But I blinked myself awake at 7:40 this morning and sighed, seriously considering yet another roll and snuggle into pillows. I’d drifted since 5 – existing in that dreamy state where I could rest smugly as I listened to cars head off to work in the fog.

My car place is nice though. I needed new tires (was about 10,000 miles overdue for those) when I moved, so I selected one of the three businesses within 2 miles of my house. The nice man offered to rotate them for free if I came there for oil changes, so I’ve done that. I was sure they could take care of the transmission fluid as well as any other winter car stuff that was required. They have lots of magazines to read while I wait. The television is usually tuned to news or game shows. I’ve taken my laptop and done work while I wait before. It’s really very close to my house. There’s no reason not to go.

But I kept putting it off.

Today was a good day to go – nothing going on at work when the rest of the week looks to be moderately busy. My presence will be required on campus each day. And I don’t know what exactly should be done with transmission fluid (add more? Change what’s there? I tend to think about other things when Dad goes into his “why don’t you take care of your car?!” lectures) and had even less of idea on how long this activity would take. So I puttered around this morning while I finished my coffee, admiring my carpet that was vacuumed last night and the kitchen that was nice and clean. Usually a clean house motivates me, but my head felt funny from some unwise drinking I did last night.

It was 9:00 before Chienne guilted me into shoes and socks for a walk. We took a new route – I’ve never gone straight on one particular road. I go left for the hilly walk or right for the longer path. But I wondered the other day what was in the secret neighborhood that existed straight ahead. So we headed that way, which wasn’t so interesting – it was just houses in an older section of the subdivision. But Chienne was fascinated by new smells and unfamiliar barks from unmet friends. I got frustrated with her constant yanking forward then jerking to a halt. She got irritated with my desire to constantly move forward. We returned home glaring at each other and she huffed her way to the office and I sniffed with disdain and got water and yogurt from the kitchen.

Then I settled back on the loveseat and thought about going to get my car maintained. I checked for new blog entries. I flipped through the channels. I thought about going to work. I decided what outfit I’d wear if I did go to work. I considered putting in contacts and brushed my teeth again. I tried to read more of my book.

Finally, joining the dog in her dislike of me, I decided to get dressed and head out with the car. I arrived at my car place before 10 and agreed to let them flush the transmission, though it apparently takes awhile. So I did the journal reading I took with me. Organized my purse and wrote a grocery list. Tried to think of what had to be done at work today and came up empty. Then I read two issues of OK! cover to cover. I haven’t flipped through it before – it’s quite entertaining. So two hours later, quite well-informed of all late October celebrity gossip, I paid a bill I considered reasonable and took my car away.

It doesn’t jerk when it shifts and is a little less noisy. That’s very nice.

So the lesson, of course, is that I should just take care of these tasks as they appear. The worry procrastination causes me is hardly worthwhile, especially for tasks that are not unpleasant at all. In the back of my mind, I’ve wondered if the car was going to make it to work each day. It wasn’t a major concern, but I’ve thought of it. And there was really no reason to do so.

I returned home to an email from Boss regarding my grant application. We should resubmit that in March. Start working on the revisions right away. Would I make a presentation of the areas which need work at group meeting this week?

Uh, no. I'd rather not.

I don’t want to think about it. Have decided (as part of The Plan even!) not to resubmit the stupid thing. It didn’t do well at all. I don’t even want to read the comments (which weren’t terrible but address several huge areas that won’t be trivial to correct). I know – even sitting here now – that I’ll end up putting it in again. But if I tell myself it’s not really necessary, I can put it off for a while longer. Boss isn’t the type to do anything more than nudge.

After all, I had to design a new blog today for spiritual journaling (If you click over, that gradient from light to dark blue wasn’t quick to create. Plus, I don’t know the beta layout well, so I had to spend lots of time messing that up to get things spaced correctly). Really should collect some preliminary data. Make progress on other areas of The Plan. Find some sort of social life. Take more walks. Eat more yogurt. Renew old friendships. Train Sprout to shake hands (Chienne can do it! I believe the cat can learn, given adequate time and encouragement).

I don’t want to rewrite that grant. I really don’t.

So I plan to let it linger in the back of my mind, ducking Boss’s questions and ignoring the deadline as it gets closer, until it bugs me so much that I can’t ignore it anymore.

Dammit.

But for tonight, I should get garbage ready to take out tomorrow morning. Give the dog a bath. Watch some more Friends DVDs (I'm almost through Season 5!)...