Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Well, yes, but...

That doll has problems.
"Cheer Bear says," I raised the pitch of my voice and bounced the floppy, pink bear on the bed as I spoke to Little One last weekend, "that it's not nice to hit. Care Bears like to hug and dance and sing! Not hit!" I proceeded to pick up Share Bear and have the two stuffed toys dance around the bed to the song emanating from Blue's Clues on TV. "No hitting, just dancing! No hitting, just dancing!" The two bears and I turned to face my little niece and the tiny figurine she held. She frowned at us for a moment, then shook her head.

"I'm going to have to hit you now." She said before her little doll whacked at poor Cheer Bear. In that moment, she reminded me ever so strongly of Friend with her bemusement at the overly cute and rejection of whatever sweet advice I had to give that I laughed until my sides hurt. Then I moved the bears behind my back to protect them from further attacks. So while she placed the pastel animals in a sack to bring over, they were slapped around by this twit of a doll.

"Why is she so mean?" I asked. "And what is she doing now?"

"Taking off her clothes." She answered. "Because all her friends do it too." She replied when I inquired over the reason for disrobing the doll.

"So she likes to hit and takes off her clothes because of peer pressure?" I clarified. "Would she consider going to therapy?"

"She has to go shopping." Little One replied, moving the doll with painted-on lingerie to a tiny car and scooting it along the bed. "To Walmart."

"Fair enough." I said.

Oh, no. I'm injured.
My ankle - after all this time - is better. It still hurts and some reading online assures me I should have immobilized the sucker all this time. But the brace hurt! So now I must suffer an ankle that appears to have healed just a tiny bit wrong. But I can walk! And it's only a bit sore when I first stand up!

However, my constant favoring of my right ankle has resulted in rebellion by the left knee. I think it crackled when I was walking down stairs yesterday. Now it hurts. But I do think it's getting a bit better too. I believe I will eventually heal.

Oh! And I got bills from the visit to the ER. $1500 for supplies (x-rays, gigantic boot, general visit) and another $400 for the actual doctor fees. I payed $112.90, which is perfectly fine, but goodness, medical bills are expensive. Mom's knees are nearly $100K (she paid $1250 and is at her maximum out of pocket) and Uncle's back currently stands at $90K. Wow. Really.

Home vs. Home
I miss my mommy. She's doing well but she misses me too. Her legs are very sore now and she's bruising easily since she takes all these blood thinners. I'm tremendously grateful that I was able to spend so much time with her though.

I do, however, enjoy certain parts of my house. My lovely shower with the water pressure and all my soaps. The dog door that keeps me from getting up to let out the dog. My water - I like the taste better for some reason.

The quiet is nice, but strange. I like control over the TV volume. But I miss hearing people moving about the house. There's room enough for Chienne behind my knees and Sprout perched on a corner of the bed. But I can't roll over and listen for noises down the hall that indicate Mom requires company or help. So I have mixed feelings.

Problems. Then more problems.
I'm writing a paper and have several ideas for the discussion (which is helpfully mapped out. Friend spoke convincingly about writing the paper before all the data is in so she could guide her thinking. I must have believed her because I'm drafting the document to decide what's important enough to actually analyze.) that required figures and tables. I thought I'd get through at least 2 today. At least. I just made it through one. And my p value isn't significant and I need another figure for talks I might give. The black and white one that will go in the paper submission isn't appropriate for my pretty slides.

Henry took my work, thanked me, then asked for more slides. Any bets on whether I'll get any credit in his talk? I bet no.

Carrie is writing a paper that I did some work on some time back. Which is great - she's very busy and I'm glad she got to it. But I'm not sure my results fit and they're not doing what I expected and I had to drag stuff off storage to the laptop and it wouldn't all fit so I had to do it in sections and while I think it's right, I'm not sure it's useful. So I'm frustrated. Not with Carrie or her colleagues - they're actually lovely - but with the situation in general. Despite years of experience, I still can't solve some problems and understand some concepts well enough. Discouraging, that.

It is, however, good to make progress.

After being away and struggling to settle in here, I'm not as motivated as I could be to write. I hope that drive comes back. I also hope I find some energy to make some necessary changes to part 2 of my book. There are a few folks who have been kind enough to read it. I hope they remain nice enough to finish it and give me more comments when I finally rewrite certain parts of the end. I'm just mentally blah.

Others, luckily, have good stuff to say. PonderingFool put together a wonderful Postdoc Carnival. I'm riveted by Alethea's updates on publishing in the big name journals. Having known no one who did so, a glimpse behind the curtain is fascinating for me. Especially since my impression is that she has a strong paper. I keep thinking I'll comment on Chris's post on gender, but I tell stories when I make points and I don't know exactly how to articulate how I feel about this issue. But I do think about it and I am profoundly bothered by it sometimes. It also makes me tired and sad, which leaves me silent. Which strikes me as less than ideal. I know there was more that I read and liked. But now I can't remember. Phooey.

And now I have to go make one more figure before I can move on to the next problem.


CJR said...

You should definitely write something about the gender thing - I for one would be very interested to hear your perspective.

Anonymous said...

so sorry your mommy is still not fully healed. i know its hard to be away... take care

Post a Comment