Spoken, not yet written

I started the post I've been meaning to write. I've been composing it in my head for a couple days now - choosing words, putting sentences together, puzzling over flow. It's not a story so much as a series of feelings, decisions and concepts. And it's failing to come together in the way that I want.

But I was putting together one of the pieces when Mom finished dinner. So I sat with my parents and ate, then stood with my mom and cleaned. Put away leftovers. Frowned at the cat as he sat on the table, and smiled as Chienne unsuccessfully hunted for him. He's been out all day - save the part where we drove around looking for something to do - and I think the animals are playing. They chase and Sprout swats and they spend lots of time looking for each other. But it's OK. It seems to work. Sprout is going to stay when Mom and Dad leave tomorrow. I have a cat.

So instead of writing more, I talked to my mother. Told her about the book - about the spirits who came from Hell and why they decided not stay in Heaven once they arrived. So many reasons. I understood most - if not all - of them. But there's a particular character that stayed with me in one of the most terrifying and triumphant scenes. And it's those few pages that I want to summarize - those which remain so vivid in my mind. So I talked. Watched her stare at me, focused, eyes wide because the story is so compelling. I used the same words too often - the conversation was hardly elegant. I spoke too quickly because I was so passionate about this topic - I stumbled and backtracked and missed some points. She understood anyway. Asked questions, offered gentle advice, sighed and considered me when I offered my tentative conclusions.

It was good - telling someone what I was thinking while I was struggling to write it out.
The thoughts are there and I think tomorrow they'll be here. But it seems more important to talk with Mom, cuddle because I'm not sure when I'll see her again, pet my dog and watch for my cat because he's prone to pouncing when I least expect it. I'm figuring it out though - I really think I'm making a tiny bit of progress on figuring it all out.