Retail Therapy

I grew up in the Midwest. That means, I think, basically what you’d think it would mean. My values, how I act, people I like, how I drive - they've all been influenced by the place I call home. I’ve been to the HOIF, though not recently. When it’s not too cold or crowded, we take part in some form of FOLEPI. I relax when the land flattens out and eases into farms you can view far in the distance. When people speed up and drive in clusters. Where you honk at people because, honestly, that’s how they learn.

And so, when I preen in a new purchase – a striped top or strappy sandals, and I make sure you notice? There’s a reason. The exchange should go something like this.

You: Are those new? How pretty!
Me: They are new! $5 for the shoes! That’s 87% off the original retail price!
You: Really?! How did you get such a wonderful deal?
Me: They were on clearance, then there was a special sale on merchandise that was marked down. So with my coupon, they were almost free!

Then we nod at each other, both of us basking in my intelligence, hard work and frugal nature. Then I will tell you exactly how to find the shoes when you enter the store and offer advice on how to get your own coupon. Because I’m nice like that.

Oh, and if you can give me any set of ingredients that includes a can of cream soup and a casserole dish, I’m pretty sure I can make you a meal. It’s what we do.

I can laugh about folks from the Midwest because I consider myself to be one of them in all the best ways. We’re polite (unless you’re in our way when driving. Again, we’re just trying to educate you by following so closely or honking. It’s for your benefit, honestly. But, um, get out of the way). Our offers of help are immediate and sincere. Are you hungry? Would you like a casserole topped with something crunchy? Or cookies? (Add instant pudding for a good chocolate chip recipe. It makes them so soft!) Pie? (I have an easy, yet tasty recipe for a crust you make in the pie plate! No rolling pins needed!)

So while there are certainly people who are far more hip than I am who can also claim the Midwest as home, the people I grew up with – rode bikes around the neighborhood, rehearsed the school play, graduated high school on the football field – are a lot like me. This is not overwhelmingly positive, actually, but it’s comfortable. I respect money, and very much appreciate that I have more than I need. I don’t have keys to my parents’ house – it’s simply never locked. And if it were, I guarantee I could still get in. Life is relaxed, friendly, centered around family.

I finally took the advice for some retail therapy, and left the house with my little blue purse stuffed with coupons. I didn’t want clothes – I’ve lost enough weight that I don’t have to flip by many outfits in my closet thinking “too small, too small.” Instead, I actually put them on and marvel at how much I have to wear. Lovely. I have, however, been looking obsessively for new bedding. I own a single set of sheets for my bed, which I’m pretty sure is sacrilegious, and I’m tired of the gold comforter. It’s nice and silky, but it’s also dry clean only. So, armed with a Yankee Candle coupon (Buy 1, Get 1 Free!) that would send me to the mall with a plan to check department store linens, and a stack of Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons, I set off.

There was construction on the exit I favor, so I took the next one. It’s my least favorite exit in town. A light controls traffic flow, and I’ve never been through without seeing someone sitting outside on the curb. Today it was an older man in a wheelchair. He had a long sleeve tie died shirt – blues and greens mostly. Overalls covered it. His long beard was beginning to whiten, but I believe it was light to begin with. He had a dog – fluffy, small, white and tan – on his lap. And I watched a police offer approach him from behind. I sat in my car, iPod playing happily through its transmitter, credit cards tucked next to the coupons in my purse, stomach cramped.

My rural childhood exposed me to homeless/needy people very infrequently. Mom would take Brother and I to big cities alone sometimes, and she always felt badly for people less fortunate than we were. Though we were firmly told to politely refuse requests for money, we were also to treat people with respect. Bad luck was not confined to those who deserved it. God loves everyone. If you can think of a way to help someone who needs it (and does not compromise personal safety), then help.

I thought briefly of my walk this morning. A man approached and Chienne let him pat her head. He said he was visiting his daughter and wanted to take a walk to stretch his legs. I slowed my pace and we wandered together for about 10 minutes. Discussed differences between America and Scotland. My walking companion said that there was crime in his home city too – kidnappings, shootings.

“People are people.” He concluded, just before turning around to head to his daughter’s house so he didn’t get lost. “If you’re looking for bad, you’re certainly going to find it.”

Before I left for my trip, firmly set upon bringing home new bedclothes, I decided to view it positively. There is bad, but you can focus on the good. I’m ahead with some work, so I can take time to go shopping! Though I’d like to have a man in my life, I don’t need one for financial reasons! I could save $25 on candle purchases if I found that coupon I remembered seeing in the office! Delightful! Fantastic! Wonderful!

As I sat at the light, waiting to turn left when I actually needed to go right (stupid wrong exit and terrible sense of direction), the police officer politely requested the cardboard sign from the bearded man, read it, then folded it up and shook his head. The man in the tie died shirt was speaking earnestly, he and the dog looking up at the uniformed man. I felt heavy. Sad.

Perhaps you can find the bad – whether you’re looking for it or not – because it’s so pervasive. Even people like me – those so ridiculously blessed and lucky that it’s irritating to watch them complain – get sad. The feeling, deserved or not, is genuine. But then there are real problems. Though this particular gentleman might have been overdoing it – the wheelchair, the sign, the dog – I don’t know his circumstances. Perhaps he truly needed the money I was about to go spend. I don’t know. The light turned green, traffic moved, and when I fixed my mistake to drive in the other direction, he and the police car were gone.

I walked briskly through the mall, checking all three department stores, feeling crowded by the small aisles and excessive merchandise in Linens N Things, and made my way to a small shop to chose 2 fragrances of candles to use my coupon – I didn’t want to go home with nothing, after all. At that point, I was more sad than when I first left the house. So I wandered back to my car. Made it to the parking lot of Best Buy to look for an external storage device, but couldn’t make myself go in. So I drove through the connected parking lots and found myself across the street from Bed, Bath and Beyond. I recognized the onset of depression. I didn’t want to be there, didn’t want to go home, didn’t want to go to work. Listless, unhappy, irritated – so I sighed and decided that retail therapy was still desperately needed.

I pulled into the nearly empty parking lot and wandered inside, my little Midwestern heart perking up involuntarily at the big yellow circles with Clearance printed inside.

“I do like good deals.” I mused silently, and smiled weakly in response to the manger’s greeting. I gravitated immediately to the comforters along the front wall. I’ve looked – countless places online, Kmart, Target, department stores. Nothing was even moderately acceptable. I didn’t want to spend too much, but I’m very picky about bedding. Softness is critical. I like comforters fluffy, and I believe you get what you pay for.

I gravitated toward a soft, down filled comforter in soft cream. Could I have afforded $250? Sure. Was I cuddling it protectively in my arms while I scurried for a cart at its $50 price tag? Absolutely. After careful examination for stains, bad seams or tears, I deemed it perfect, wondered over its placement in the clearance section at such an amazing savings, then pushed my little gray cart around the store.

I found soft blue sheets – I have pewter in my guest room and adore them. I’m not sure how they make the Beech material (beechwood tree+magic=sheets, I think), but I enjoy them very much. Not only were they on sale, but I could use my coupons! I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you should save those 20% off coupons they send. (Sometimes they’re $5 off – save those too.) The store will take the expired coupons and you can use up to 5 at a time. I didn’t think you could apply them to clearance merchandise, so that meant my comforter and bed skirt were out. But my sheets and two other little items would count.

Soothed by the open spaces, lack of crowds, bright lights, soft music and gently spicy scent, I found myself smiling over my bedding. It was perfect and the timing for finding it couldn’t have been better. At my hesitant inquiry near the register, I was informed that coupons could be used on clearance merchandise ($40 for my comforter! 86% off!), I ended up with complete bedding for under $100. Which means that when friends or family come visit and note how pretty my room is, I can proudly inform them not only of my superior taste, but also my intelligence, organization, memory and hard work at getting a great deal!

The point? Life can be sad. I believe it's inescapable to some extent. Shopping can help. King sized mattress are hard to flip by yourself. Oh, and if you find a good deal when shopping, let me know. I’ll be completely thrilled for you.