Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Katie + The Plan = BFF

I realized, full of self-congratulatory sentiment on my commute home, that I’m firmly within the honeymoon phase of The Plan. Look, I even gave it capital letters because I like it so much!

The Plan and I are deeply infatuated at this point. I woke up this morning at 3:30. Not a good habit, honestly, and you will find “Wake up – sick and worried – between 3 and 4AM each day” nowhere in The Plan. I do not enjoy this activity and would be content if I stopped doing it. Really. But instead of lying in bed for hours, trying to figure out what my problem was, I got up, picked up the devotional book I left on the kitchen table, and previewed my morning message.

It was good – all about certain things being better after a rest.

“I wish I was resting right now.” I mumbled as I made my way sleepily to my favorite spot on the loveseat and picked up the laptop. But I was comforted by the little page of printed material and soon left email alone and shuffled my way back to the bedroom, nudged Chienne over to one side and cuddled into my pillows.

I remember thinking, as I tried to relax and let sleep come to me rather than determinedly glaring at my inability to rest, that I wanted a nice dream. Something about a man who loved me. Maybe our children sleeping down the hall. A safe, comfortable, constant presence in my life. Perhaps he’d ask if I were OK if I woke up in the early morning hours. I could cuddle until I fell asleep again rather than wandering the house. The little fantasy helped and I did drift into a dream. The fact that it was about looking for a lost, chirping cell phone on a mountain trek with people I didn’t know is hardly the point.

I woke up this morning (at 7 this time), sat at the table while coffee brewed, and re-read the little story about rests in music and life, then opened my Bible, as directed, to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20). Then I sat and read the chapter out loud and considered how very long it’s been since I’ve done anything like that. I’m easily motivated by lists and guilt, so seeing the materials sitting proudly on the table I rarely use for eating should keep me sitting down each morning. I hope so, anyway. I think it's good for me.

Chienne and I took an extra long walk, and I smiled happily over the mild temperatures. I realized that I’m about to be rewarded for suffering through this miserable summer. Fall seems long here in the south – in my 1 year of experience, I remember some heat being inflicted, but mostly there were long weeks of moderate temperatures that make excellent walking weather. Then we’ll ease into “winter” where I likely won’t use my coat at all. Rather I’ll wait a bit later in the morning to walk, then happily head out in a sweatshirt. I’ll scrape ice off my car once or twice if at all. I won’t worry about my ability to drive home in awful weather. And knowing it will be my last winter here will likely make me appreciate it all the more.

I dealt with miserable nerves this morning, made a presentation, then basked in the euphoric relief that inevitably follows. My boss was quite proud, which made me very happy. If all goes well, I’ll actually get some money to do some research. Delightful. All around goodness.

I left a bit early and marveled again and the fantastic weather today. So I traded my pretty heels for flip flops and walked to my car after work. It's a pretty campus, I decided, then cocked my head at myself. Dare I call myself happy? Really?

I listened to America (The Audiobook) on the commute home and instead of my becoming-typical moping, I laughed. Hard. A lot. It’s an excellent way to spend my driving time, I think. So it made me happy. I know I’m late to read it (or “read” it as the case may be – I’m all about the “quotes” today, aren’t I?), but it’s smart and terribly funny. I highly recommend it.

As I drove Chienne home from her vet appointment (a shot for her allergies – she’s been sleeping and calmed down with the itching already), I was convinced that I’d turned my life around. No more being sad! It’s all about the changes! The Plan!

“Oh.” I told Chienne as I realized something. “This is the easy part. Where I’m excited and eager and focused. I wonder how long it will last?”

Not long, I suspect. I’ll start “working” from home more and lose track of all these projects that are supposed to be going so well. I might find television shows I just have to see in the new fall line-ups and avoid going out and being social or busy. Come closer and closer to writing my “Fine.” post. But for now it’s all easy and wonderful. So I’ll enjoy that while it lasts and hope for the best.

So maybe BFF is a bit strong. But The Plan and I are definitely Best Friends For Now.

4 comments:

post-doc said...

I don't mind cloning at all. :) It actually really helped to write it out and reread it. But I'll doubtless need the luck, so I'll remember to read the sweet comments when things get harder.

Maisha said...

great start with the plan.im so optimistic...

sheepish said...

You loooooooove The Plan. Katie and The Plan, sittin' in a tree...

If I may, I'd like to recommend midnight to 2 a.m. as a better sit-up-fret-worry-and-freak-out-about-how-life-is-so-bad time. 3 a.m. is just so uncivilized.

Anonymous said...

Maisha-
I'm optimistic too! The Plan is the best.

So, yes, Sheepish, I do looooooove The Plan. (I think the last time I used that many 'o's was in 1st year seminar when I'd write notes to M saying I was sooooo bored or soooooo tired. Good memory.)

3AM is uncivilized! I agree completely. But I appear to have settled on that awful hour to freak out about any number of things. Did it again last night. But it's really too late for wine and too early for coffee - terrible time to be awake. I'd very much like to stop doing that.

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