poor little me

Things that irritated me this morning:
1. Having to reset the wireless router. I like to check my email soon after awakening, and the laptop wasn’t getting any signal. So I had to go to the office, unplug the cable modem, then wireless router, then shut down the computer. Then I had to turn it all back on. It took 10 minutes I didn’t have, and I was already running late.
2. My garbage men were early, so I had to run outside to stop them because I had forgotten to wheel the can out to the curb.
3. My car is making some sort of woofing noise even though it was just at the dealer.
4. I forgot to charge my cell phone, so I couldn’t answer an incoming call on the way to work.
5. I commute on the interstate. The point of large highways like that is that you can continuously GO – there should be no stopping unless there’s an accident. If you’re in one of the left lanes, and someone is trying to merge into the right lane, it should have no effect on you. If you’re in the right lane, you should slow down, make some room between you and the car in front of you, and let people ease into traffic. And yet, we stop. At every exit. In every lane. Every day.
6. Being able to hear Asian music (why so twangy?) from the guy who sits behind me in the office, and not wanting to worsen my headache by listening to my own headphones.
7. Wondering if I turned off the headlights since it was dark when left home, but light when I arrived at the office. I was still distracted over how much I hate traffic and wasn't paying attention when I got to the parking structure.

Thing I realized this morning when I was thinking about all my problems: I don’t really have any. I seem to have lost all perspective in terms of what’s important and what shouldn’t even register because it’s so insignificant. So I present a list of things that make me look terrible for being upset about them in order to remind myself to suck a little less in the future.

Instead of worrying about why I’m so shallow and irritable lately, I visited VolunteerMatch, read through the listings, and decided I want to read to children. I could tutor math too (and I will if they offer), but there are several elementary schools near my house, and I can think of nothing more appealing than leaving work a little early to go read a book with someone.

I also continued to consider yesterday’s "cheerful giving" sermon to some posts online. The Waiter, whose writing I greatly enjoy, makes me think about issues and situations I might be more comfortable ignoring. He linked to the Homeless Guy, whose Christmas wish seems quite reasonable. I have a house that’s far too big for me, a laptop (and wireless high-speed internet) I use mostly for fun, a car that is covered under extended warranty, and my “problems” could be best characterized as minor inconveniences. In answering my email, Kevin provided some advice on how to help, so I have plans to do that too.

Then I quickly continued through my bookmarks – not very many updates – and stopped again at Cubbiegirl who mentions a list of Little Wishes. My most and least favorite moment of the day was shopping there. I found several things I had to buy, but reading over some of the requests and knowing my young niece has everything on one list broke my heart. I was pleased to know that I’m giving something to 4 children – a Winnie the Pooh mobile, a Leapfrog counting pal (though I’m personally fond of the counting farm book with Farmer Tad), a desk globe (I still have the one I received in grade school – spinning it around, thinking about all the places and people and possibilities has always been completely lovely), and a Star Wars lego set. But for every gift I purchased, there were at least 5 listed next to it.

My only issue with giving is that it never seems adequate. The problems are too huge for me to even comprehend. And chipping away at them with small donations of time or money seems shallow somehow. More shallow still is how I ignore them though – content in reading online journals, both professional and personal, in buying gifts for the babies in my family, and being irritated by small inconveniences while remaining ignorant of the real struggles that others face. So I hope that reading the thoughts of others will continue to remind me that there are problems much bigger than my own, and that when I can offer aid, I hope I will.