I am doing this.

I slept poorly after the first two hours, waking nearly every 15 minutes to look at the clock. I was unbearably sleepy when it was time to get up but I put on my brown pants and pink sweater and began to curl my hair as I had planned. I met Leader for breakfast and enjoyed talking to him, though I struggled to find my interview legs. We moved to the offices and began my day of talking to people. And more people. And some more people.

It was - for the most part - very friendly and informative. There were a couple tough questions and one particular man who I didn't like.

"Meanie wasn't impressed." I told Leader and Other Dining Companion. They both asked why and I offered an explanation. "He wanted the novel thing I was bringing to the table. And I couldn't think of anything unique and important." I shook my head in dismay and paused when they both began to laugh.

"He's struggled a bit." Leader said of Meanie. "So he's always wanting people to give him ideas and areas for funding. I'm sure you did well."

We talked and laughed and enjoyed glasses of wine. Then I asked the question that had bothered me a bit all day.

"So Chair said this was a visit and not an interview. Which is fine." I offered, looking at Leader. "But what's the difference? And what comes next?"

Other Dining Companion rolled her eyes. "There's no difference." She offered across the table.

"We call the initial time here a visit - it works better to recruit senior people to do it more covertly, I think. So it's a friendly, casual visit."

"So what's the interview?" Other Dining Companion asked. "Because my visit included 2 days of back to back meetings and I was hired afterward."

Leader shrugged.

"Is it you guys, only meaner?" I asked and was rewarded by laughter. "So," I returned to my point, "what comes next? You all meet to talk about me?"

"I get feedback." Leader confirmed. I nodded and we talked some more.

I have my talk tomorrow. More meetings before and after. Then I get to go home and spend the weekend with Carrie. See my puppy. I'm ready for this to be over. I think I still want them to like me - to want me for this tenure-track faculty position with a bit of teaching and mentoring students and getting funding. But I'm rather tired and if I think too hard about certain slides, I get nervous.

So I filled out my breakfast menu and put it on my doorknob. I took a shower and packed most of my things to check out in the morning. And soon I will likely crash and go to sleep. But it's happening, which is a good thing. And soon it will be done. In the meantime, I'm so very tired.