Rejection - acutal and anticipated

It's lovely that I currently have a job where I can wake, realize that I remain tired and putter around the house, take the dog for a walk, then nap until mid-afternoon. I finally made it to campus in time for a meeting to discuss a new project.

I returned to my desk to find that Happily Revised Paper got Summarily Rejected from HighImpactFactor Journal. Good enough, I decided. I knew I aimed too high and only lost a week in doing so. Plus, they waited until after my interview to call me not important enough so that was nice of them.

Carrie and I discussed junior faculty positions extensively this weekend and I've been dwelling on parts of the interview (er, "visit") I'd do over if I could. I'm preparing for them to say no and that sucks. Interviewing in general is a bit demoralizing - I'm so great and you should want me! to Oh, crap. Another one didn't want me. It's hard for me.

I clicked over to Submitted Paper and felt sick when the status had changed. The editors are going over the reviews - I should know the results soon. And while I think the paper was good and well-placed, I'm worried. This part of the academic process is fraught with complaints and rejections and ick. So I put my head in my hands and spent long moments contemplating how it would feel to have another holiday spent feeling as if I was terrible at my job.

Instead, I composed a nice email to Leader that offered additional information and best wishes. I'll complete my thank you cards soon and send them to everyone with whom I met. I resubmitted Happy Paper - it's still iffy in terms of journal choice, but I'm hopeful. And, perhaps most brilliantly, I started calling people to escape the negativity in my own head. My parents, then Charlie, then darling Elle. So now I'm sleepy and not eager to deal with more work right now. So I'll rest and try again tomorrow.

Perhaps work - present and future - will look a bit brighter then.