But, no! It's not fair!

I may have mentioned one project on which I work. It's more administrative than anything - not at all difficult, but rather time-consuming.

When I was first asked to play errand girl - organizing and moving and burning CDs, filling out forms - I was rather bored and didn't mind. I was getting to know an important scientist and clinician in the field and was pleased to help.

I have since become busier and chafe a bit against the demands of this particular task. I wasn't sure why I was being so icky about it - it really isn't anything other than inconvenient - but then I read through an email Very Important MD sent to the drug company.

She asked if I could be added to a presentation since I'd been such a help with the analysis. I thought that was a lovely gesture and was a bit surprised when a firm refusal was delivered.

But, OK. That makes sense. It's not like I'm doing upper-level work here. On the other hand, what exactly am I getting from this? Post-doctoral work is to be selfish - we're all about the presentation and publications and putting lines on our CVs, right? VIMD is being paid handsomely for her involvement in addition to being placed on publications. While I don't seek to diminish the high value of her expertise, I put in about ten times more time.

So I asked the drug company representative with whom I communicate if there was ever a chance of being placed on a publication or presentation. She took over a week to reply - I normally hear back in a day to any question or problem - and said that most presentations were only allowed 10 authors, that there were many people from various disciplines involved, that even her name was a battle to be included.

I should now point out that Pete (of my defense fame) was fond of pointing out that there were too many authors on papers. It was how he defended his decision to steal my colleague's work. When I removed his name from my final publication (the one that earned a cover image), I desperately wanted him to ask me about it so that I could chirp back, "I decided there were too many authors so I pared down the list!"

So just as I will bristle if I'm dating someone who says, "I like you and I wish I could spend more time with you, but I'm just so busy!" I will grit my teeth and glare when people bring up a vast number of authors. My argument is that if you need that many people to do the work, you make room to add them to the paper. There is no way that VIMD would ever deal with even a fraction of setting up these analyses. I think they should have allowed room - via authorship or other compensation - for the minion that will enable her to grace them with her interpretation of the data.

The publication would look good for me - I crave it. But I really understand that I don't necessarily deserve it.

I think the answer is clear. I should opt out of helping further and ask Boss to hire a grad student and pass that cost on to the drug company. It's probably 10 hours a week for someone who's less knowledgeable than I am. Labor - even mine - is cheap. But I haven't been offered anything, so I might as well step aside and let someone else make some cash. The kid I replaced was being paid hourly, so it make sense that the next would be too.

I hesitate because Boss clearly doesn't like for us to say no. It messes with his happy little world where we're friendly and smart and valuable resources to the entire department. I honestly don't blame him for wanting that.

But I'm not learning anything other than how to wait for a conference room that's nearly always in use, how to wait while CDs load, how to call when the data isn't there, how to fill in spreadsheets with numbers that are read to me. I don't really need this extra practice with menial crap.

I am earning favor with VIMD. She likes me a lot more than she did in the beginning. I do enjoy it when people like me. But it's turning into more work rather than any credit. I've now been pulled into a different drug development project! So I spent hours last week organizing and arranging for a mere 'Thanks!' sent via email.

It's not enough.

I'm bothered.

But, much like the last post I wrote, I'm failing to be decisive on what to do from here.

In other news, I have this head/ear problem going on that left me at home today. I have searched far and wide and through over 100 Google search pages to accumulate posts by or for or even slightly related to postdoctoral work. I think the carnival (held here! 5/23! There's still time to write!) will be quite good.