Dating, part 10: dates 6-9

Who’s wishing she didn’t number these posts? I am! I am!

I debated writing up the rest of the dates as separate entries – picking up dialogue, trying to find humor and remembering every lesson. Then I realized it would be strangely appropriate to lump them together. After all, I was just pushing forward at this point, wanting to finish the experience so I could say I didn’t quit. If nothing else, I finished it.

Dennis
Dennis was up next – he played baseball in college and was full of stories about the team, travel and experience. Unlike D&D, I do have a fondness for sports, so that was rather enjoyable. We took my dog to the park and watched her play. I thought the date went relatively well, but I was relaxed about it. We ended the evening with a hug (one armed, very casual – not a big hug!) and he asked if he could call the next day. There was a movie he wanted to see, and he asked if I’d go with him.

I found that I would like to go. For me, college athletes, even those from teeny-tiny schools in the upper Midwest, are slightly fascinating. One of my roommates in undergrad played softball, and it’s pretty hard-core. The training, group practices, individual work – all on top of school? I can definitely throw myself into respecting the energy and focus required to make a situation like that work.

But he didn’t call. And I was strangely hurt.

I think it’s the expectation – he seemed like he had fun, then not only named a day he’d call, but specific plans afterward. I really thought he’d be in touch, and when he wasn’t, I was unexpectedly thrown into a haze of pitiful worry. What had I done wrong? When he went over the evening in his mind, was there some fatal flaw I hadn’t noticed? Had I said something stupid? What was it?

In situations such as these – when you’re hoping really hard for a call or email or smoke signal from some guy – the only ease is time. Knowing that, I kept busy with work and friends, refusing to let it bother me that I had been mistaken in my assessment of the date. It simply wasn’t that big a deal.

But every time I returned home to an unblinking light on my answering machine, my heart hurt a little. I’m not sure there’s a right way to express your disinterest in someone. Women are all different and my guess is that we’d have various ideas on how to end a date gracefully. For me, the drawn out torture of hoping despite yourself is much worse than a sharp embarrassment when you can tell he’s not interested right away.

Bob
If you’ve following along for this series, and you’re keeping track of the pairs (who I have conveniently named beginning with the same letter), you’ll notice a pattern. The first guy is not great. The second guy is considerably better.

I don’t think dating services are a bad idea for everyone. I learned a lot, actually. When you’re busy and not making time to meet men and want something relatively convenient, they have a place. But they’re not just working for you. The pattern seemed that I’d do them a favor (and endure guy 1) then they’d give me a break (and send guy 2).

There’s not much to say about Bob. We went to a casual restaurant and ate. He didn’t talk at dinner. At all. So we had about 15 minutes of conversation during drinks, then we sat in silence.

It was pretty uncomfortable. I kept trying to ask questions at first, but he’d shrug, shake his head or nod. I started to ask if he wanted to play charades, but decided I’d probably be the only one amused. So I stared out the window, thinking I’d give anything to be out there, wishing I’d brought a book, and daydreamed.

When the waitress asked if we wanted dessert, I laughed and said, “I think not.” Bob wanted a brownie, so I sat for another 15 minutes.

It was as surreal as it sounds.

Ben
We went to a state park and hiked. It was actually really pretty and the conversation was a step up from decent. He matched my stories of temples in Japan with tales of the Kremlin. We spoke of people at the university since he worked there and I was doing research that had a slight clinical focus. He had converted to Catholicism as an adult, so we had some discussions about historical perspectives, conservative views, women in the priesthood, child abuse allegations. I had a pleasant time, which left me grateful.

I didn’t like him enough to put myself through another Dennis experience. So as he pulled into the parking lot, I turned to him and smiled, saying something about how I’d enjoyed meeting him and had a nice time. Not giving him time to do much more than smile, let alone get out an “I’ll call you.” I scurried in my apartment.

About 2 weeks later, he sent an email that stated he could see us being friends but didn’t feel the necessary sexual chemistry to pursue another date. I might cut him some slack, but it happened to arrive on the day my parents put our family dog to sleep. So I was sobbing uncontrollably on the phone with my mom, sitting at my desk surrounded by tissues, and saw the email.

So I’ll just say he’s an ass. Sending an unprovoked email telling someone you’re not interested? Bad form.

Rob
Rob is actually the counterpart to Ryan. So he should have been bad, but he actually wasn’t. I saw him several times, and it was fine. He was younger than I, and could be really funny. He also had a really good voice.

There was nothing wrong with him at all. I probably would have kept seeing him, in fact, had a friend not been in town for a visit. Dave graduated with a Masters and left to make far more money than I currently earn with my PhD. I enjoyed him completely – he was smart, funny, comfortable and interesting.

He had come over for brunch, and we were still deep in conversation hours later. Realizing that seeing Rob that afternoon would mean making Dave leave, I called to ask Rob if we could reschedule. He was fine with it, and I later bought him dinner as an apology. The idea that I preferred a friend’s company to his, many times over, kept sticking in my mind though.

I ended things shortly after.

So, folks, that’s 10. Tomorrow comes the conclusion, and the much-anticipated end to this lengthy series.