Saturday, January 15, 2011

It's My Party

People & Presents
My family has arrived, full of kisses and cuddles (coughs and sniffles), to celebrate my upcoming birthday this weekend.

"Here you go!" Dad offered proudly, handing me the shopping bag with the throw pillows I'd selected after Christmas and told them to give me later. I smiled and Smallest One helped me arrange them on the sectional (pretty!) until deciding to throw all the pillows on the floor and leap off the furniture onto them.

The girls were shockingly well-behaved at dinner and we went shopping afterward, wandering about the big box store to fetch a few groceries and other must-have items. Little One debated cut flowers for me with utter seriousness as Smallest One and I went to look at cupcakes.

"I like green," she told me.

"I know, love," I replied. "It's your favorite color!" She nodded and selected the package frosted in vivid green, leaving her sister - once roses and a mixed bouquet were placed carefully in the cart - to decide between pink and yellow.

"I like these," Dad said, playing with the Sing-a-ma-jigs. I had frowned at them when walking past, thinking them rather freaky. But once they started to sing, puffy lips moving to display teeth and tongue, I was somehow charmed and ended up with two of the creatures.

At the demands of the Smallest One, I perched a tealight candle atop a miniature yellow cupcake and set fire to the wick. As we all sang Happy Birthday, I considered wishes frantically, wishing I'd done some pre-work so I'd know what I wanted. As the remaining notes dwindled, I thought through choices - true love, great sex, financial gain, travel and adventure, world peace? But as we held the last "you..." the flame sputtered and died, leaving me to blink in surprise and then smile.

It is, I decided, hard to get what you want when you can't decide what that is.

"We'll sing again," Mom said firmly when my eyes remained on the extinguished candle. I glanced up and nodded, relighting it before we started the song again. I did make a wish, closing my eyes before pursing my lips to blow out the candle. Then we clapped and I smiled, wondering if my wish (which - per tradition - I shall keep secret) will come true.

Look; Don't Touch?
When I date, I use my blog email. My reasons are twofold - 1) Protection of my last name which is associated with all other accounts, 2) implied permission to read this journal and either admire the wonder or avoid the craziness that is Katie.

I therefore truly don't mind men reading posts. It's certainly not mandatory, but I'm generally flattered when they show enough interest to spend time skimming what I've written. And given people typically send email very close to the times when they visit Minor Revisions, I know who they are on site statistics.

So here is my issue - and I realize I caused it and am responsible for it and should just stop being neurotic already. But if men have decided not to interact with me - are not sending email or making plans (for now or forever), why read what I write? I can understand curiosity but I'd much rather have time used to write to me rather than read me. And if I decided not to see someone again (and I have), I'm not really interested in what's going on with him anymore. I just wish him well and disengage.

So I don't get it and I think about it and blech. Am I hurt and won't admit it? Or just confused and can't stop puzzling through it?

Fun & Games
"It's fun day!" Little One announced when she and her sister joined me downstairs while I was drinking coffee. I finished making my tissue paper flower (we'd started them last night and I didn't complete mine) and went to fetch juice and pink milk and cereal. Then we played Ants in Your Pants, Spongebob edition (I won). Uno (Little One emerged victorious), a Toy Story 3 Alien Claw game (Smallest One had the best record), played in the snow (it was cold), played in the bathtub, played school with Care Bears, drew pictures, sculpted Play-doh, watched television and built my bathroom organizer presents.

I've been surprisingly content through the chaos. And though I do look forward to peace and quiet when they depart tomorrow, the fun and games are rather delightful for now.


post-doc said...

I am very confused about any number of things, but blogging isn't one of them.

1. It's not meant to be a dialogue. I get few comments and though I read and consider all of them, I don't often engage in discussion on my blog. If I need to debate or converse, I'll do so in private.

2. I disagree that people would read this who have no interest in me. It's not that well written and certainly not that interesting. Stop being a silly goose.

3. Even if I did assume your argument was true, it would only hold for people who generally read blogs. The men I've dated aren't that type.

post-doc said...

Anonymous posted (and blogger ate it)
But if men have decided not to interact with me - are not sending email or making plans (for now or forever), why read what I write?

I think you are very confused about how public blogging works. Once you publish a blog post, you lose control of its purpose.

Just because *you* want your blog posts to be a dialog between you and people who fluff your ego, doesn't make it so. People who might have no interest whatsoever in you personally or your internal mental state might still choose to read your blog posts because your writing is decent.

AliceAcademic said...

Happy Birthday! May your wishes come true!!

Seeking Solace said...

Um, who is this anonymous poster? Do I need to give them a Seeking Solace smack-down?

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!

And I noticed that your plants are doing quite well in your windows. Don't they just make you happy?

Anonymous said...

Thinking about your question above:

Although I, myself, have never blogged about a date (for various reasons), I *could* see how a person may be romantically interested in someone but perhaps unsure about having his/her interactions with that person written about on a public blog? So, perhaps he/she would prefer to observe a blog/blogger for a while in order to gauge whether or not he/she would be comfortable with the idea?

Just one thought on the topic. Anyway, happy birthday!


rented life said...

Happy belated from the slow blog reader :)

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