Friday, January 02, 2009

Next Post in February

But I love my blog, I've thought several times in recent weeks. I grow clingy and desperate to keep writing the words that appear here and comfort myself by refusing the very thought. I don't need to stop.

I've spent some time quietly thinking and praying in that vague way of drifting through thoughts, spending time in God's presence rather than going through lists of gratitude or requests. And the thought returns - focus, prioritize, think. And while some people do that beautifully in an online space, I feel my attention is splintered between offering glimpses of what I find important and lovely and being vastly annoyed with those who are ruining blogging.

I am, if we're to be honest, no longer useful to this community. I'm glad I did a post-doc - I learned a tremendous amount and adored writing this blog. But I decided to walk away from academic research. So of discussions of publication or tenure, committee meetings and mentoring issues? I have memories and ideas, but nothing of real value to add. Instead, my loyalties have aligned neatly with the company that pays me. I think we do good work - important projects and products come from my colleagues. Through some blessing or stroke of luck+preparation, I'm in management. When faced with such a ridiculous and amazing fact, I think I can do better. And while I already work too much, I think writing here isn't really helping what I do there.

I have friends I love. I've talked to exactly none of them in the past months. Carrie had a baby. Friend went home and is job hunting. Elle is in a band. M may be moving. I've meant to arrange a weekend with Brazen Hussy and Repressed Librarian for freaking months now. Little One enjoys phone calls and has reached a point where I can actually understand what she's saying. Cousin tried to call but my cell wasn't charged. There are people at work who are bright and interesting and wonderful and I rarely spare an evening to go out with them. That's shameful - that I know these fascinating individuals and spend no time keeping up with them. So instead of selecting synonyms and thinking of cute titles, I'm going to make phone calls and hope my basic dislike of telephone conversations eases with time. (Or I'll make it through my list of friends and think 'thank God that's over.' Either way.)

My gorgeous house is rarely clean, though that's unlikely to change. My space is much like my poor brain - cluttered with too many bits and pieces. But I'd like to keep organizing items and give away what I don't need. I'd like to look into volunteering somewhere. I want to spend time in prayer, figuring out and doing what I ought and what I want and see where I land.

So, while blinking back melodramatic tears and vacuuming my first floor, I decided to take a month away. I'll still read and comment, of course. But you'll miss what was sure to be a moving and depressing post about how I'm turning thirty and likely how it's very cold here and how work is hard but rewarding and blah, blah, etc. Feel free to miss me a tiny bit, but I'll be back in a few weeks. Hopefully I'll have learned something and can tell you about it then.

22 comments:

EthidiumBromide said...

We will all miss your regular posting, but I do hope you enjoy the break and reevaluation period.

Oh, and about that upcoming birthday? Just think about how MUCH you have accomplished in such a short amount of time. If I've finished my Ph.D., completed a post-doc, and landed a job I enjoy by the time I'm 30, well... I would be very, very happy indeed.

Dr. Brazen Hussy said...

You will be missed! Do enjoy the time away.

30... I vaguely remember turning 30...

Geeka said...

Enjoy the time off, but you are valuable to the community!
I am glad I am doing a post-doc, but I do want to go to industry. You are kind of like a role model type of blog for me.

And if you decide to quit blogging, at least friend me on facebook.

Amanda@Lady Scientist said...

Your posts will definitely be missed (I always smile when I see something new from you in my reader). But I hope that you enjoy the time away and that you learn lots of things :-)

Lucy said...

I'll miss you so I hope you come back to blogging refreshed. Have fun catching up with RL people.

hypoglycemiagirl said...

I will of course be miss your writing tremendously, but it's no-one's business to tell you what to do. Enjoy a post-free January!

post-doc said...

You're all so sweet - thank you.

I appreciate the reminder, Julie. Career-wise, I'm very settled and happy. It's my personal life that's a mess but focusing on the positive is always good.

Dr. BH: I feel more like 25 most of the time so the realization that I'm approaching my thirties isn't always welcome. But it's not a big deal. I know it's not a big deal. Really.

I'll be back, dear Geeka, and I'm an email away if I can ever be of assistance. Perhaps I'll stop ignoring Facebook while I'm away from blogging - I'll send you a note with my real name email address in case you want to friend me.

Amanda, I worked out last night (for the first time in forever) and cleaned and decided on a devotional system. So shaking things up will help, I think.

I miss you, Lucy! And I assume I'll be eager to write more once January ends and I've fixed some things.

Hypoglycemiagirl - you're very kind and encouraging. Thank you - bunches and bunches.

Seeking Solace said...

You will be missed, no doubt about that!!! Enjoy your time away!!!

Jenn, PhD said...

I'll sure miss you when you're gone, but those all sound like lovely things to do on a break. I so enjoy reading your posts and also hearing from someone that chose to leave academia that life on the outside can be so rewarding... it's a bit like that light at the end of the tunnel.. yes other options ARE worth exploring.
Have a great month and I'll be watching for the update post

Psych Post Doc said...

Enjoy your hiatus Katie.

Sounds like a well deserved time to reconnect. I'll miss you and will be excited t hear about your non-blogging adventures this month. :)

emelectric said...

Have a wonderful break, Katie. I completely identify with the need for time and space to focus on the things that have been neglected. I'll take missing your blog posts if it means you are loving life out in the real world. :o)

ScienceWoman said...

Consider a bloggy sabbatical - a little rest and rejuvenation can be a very good thing.

But please don't feel like you are not useful to this community (whatever that may be). Honestly, I think you are one of the most useful bloggers out there, not only for awing us with your beautiful stories and attention to the lovely details of every day life, but also precisely because you are not a post-doc or professor. So many of us have no idea what it's really like to work outside academia, and it's a big component of graduate education that seems to be sorely lacking. Your blog gives us a glimpse into what the work world would be like if we ever ventured (or were kicked) out of the Ivory Tower.

(Oh, and friend me on Facebook too. Real me, not SW, if you remember who I am.)

JustMe said...

katie, i wish you a wonderful month of prayer and reflection and time with friends. I too will miss you. email me if you are on facebook so i can friend you too and keep up with you!

rpg said...

Hey Katie

Just back from being slightly offline. I hope you find whatever it is you're after. Try looking behind the cornflakes in the pantry.
xx

microbiologist xx said...

I hope you enjoy your time away and I'll be looking forward to your new posts in February. :)

saxifraga said...

Enjoy your break away from blogging. I will miss your posts and I agree with others that you're a very valuable member of this community. For one I don't know anyone who writes as beautifully about everything as you do and second, I think your perspective and insight into the non-academic trajectory is very interesting.

JaneB said...

Enjoy your sabbatical! You are a much valued contributor; and having a regular voice from someone who has happily and successfully taken their PhD and moved into a different path is very helathy, I think.

Estrella said...

I know I haven't commented in awhile (and I've been quite neglectful of my own blog), but I still enjoy reading your beautifully written posts. I hope the birthday is a wonderful experience (not traumatic!) and that you choose to return after your long-deserved blogging vacation. :-) Love and happiness to you!

Unbalanced Reaction said...

Enjoy your month! I hope January treats you well.

Psych Post Doc said...

An award for when you get back.

http://psychpostdoc.blogspot.com/2009/01/for-me.html

Brigindo said...

Hope you're enjoying your hiatus. There's another award for you over at my place.

Arbitrista said...

Take care, and come back to us when you're ready.

Post a Comment