Tuesday, January 27, 2009


"Oh, no," I murmured, interrupting Chienne's joyful greetings by dropping to my knees before her. "It's worse, isn't it?"

I peered at her right eye much as I did this morning. Then I was concerned because it looked cloudy. In my spare moments, I fretted over it during the day. But my desire to check on my favorite creature in the world warred with pressure to get more done. So I left work as it neared 9PM and, some 12 hours after I left her, realized her eye health had gone in the wrong direction.

"We used to be best friends," I told Joe while we worked extra hours yesterday. "Now we rarely take walks - maybe once a weekend - and I go home to deal with email and work I didn't finish then I sleep. No walks, not much playing. She just curls up beside me in bed and across the room in her chair when I work."

"She's an abandoned child," he teased me and I smiled sadly. Seeing the cloud of guilt surround me, he patted my knee reassuringly. "She's fine," he said firmly. And I nodded.

But she's not fine. Her eye is sick. And I don't really have time to help her until tomorrow afternoon.

I apologized profusely, stroking her head while soaking her eye with a wet cloth as Friend gently instructed me to do when I typed a frantic message to her. Chienne promptly became pitiful, enjoying the extra attention since she normally gets so little.

I feel terrible, ridden with guilt and remorse. So I'll call the vet first thing tomorrow - responsibilities be damned - and see when she can go in.

At which point I can start worrying over who is doing this critical tasks that I had been assigned for tomorrow. So while it doesn't really bother me to wear satin panties - not out of the desire to entice or impress but because nothing else is clean - and I'm OK with the general clutter that exists around me, this particular neglect has me positively sick of myself.

I'll update you on the poor, poor girl tomorrow. For now, she's resting at the foot of the bed amidst all my covers. Because she deserves them and, in other areas, I've clearly let her down.


Ambivalent Academic said...

I'm sorry - I know how you feel. My poor pooch has had a couple of surgeries and it's a terrible feeling to not know how to help...and to feel like you haven't done it fast enough.

But you can't beat yourself up about the things of yesterday that you can't change. You are doing everything you can for her in the time you have to come and that's what counts. Dogs don't hold grudges and they probably don't remember that their eye was bugging them yesterday...they know that it's bugging them now and that you're helping now to make it better.

Remember that the life she has with you will always outshine dumpster-diving or living in a shelter...even if you don't have time for a walk until tomorrow.

She's lucky to have you, and I'm sure she won't let you forget it.

Good luck at the vet's.

TitleTroubles said...

She will be fine. And you have a plan now, so you will also be fine. You did not give her an eye infection, ergo, not your fault. As good as you are at self-inflicted guilt trips, she is even better at recognizing and milking the opportunity. In other words, everything sounds normal to me. (Think the vet would give you a tranquilizer? That might help you both out.)

Amanda@Lady Scientist said...

To second Title Troubles, she'll be fine. You are not neglecting her. What Chienne knows is that she has this lovely house with a fun backyard (all for playing in). She knows that you feed her and take her and take her for walks (she has no idea of the frequency). She knows that you come home and will cuddle with her and pet her. She knows that you love her. And so do we. It's obvious from all your posts how dear Chienne is to you. It sounds to me that you're very responsible and you're doing your best juggling all your responsibilities. Good luck at the vet's office.

Jenn, PhD said...

Oh no! Poor Chienne, I hope that the vet can do something to help her eye. Meanwhile though, try not to be so hard on yourself! You're not neglecting her, she loves to see you when you walk in the door every night, you're her world and it's obvious how important she is to you. You're taking good care of her and getting her some help from the vet. I hope that she's feeling better soon

Psych Post Doc said...

Oh no. I hate when my dogs are not doing well, but you are not negligent. You give her a good home and even feel bad when you don't give her as much attention as you would like. That too me is not negligent.

I hope all goes well at the vet tomorrow and she is on the mend.

ScienceWoman said...

I know exactly how you feel...poor princess pup doesn't get nearly the walks and attention she did when we lived in Utopia. And now Minnow insists on walking rather than riding in her stroller, so walks (when they occur) are at best a few hundred yards. But as the others have said, Chienne and Princess Pup are both well loved and cared for. I hope she's all better soon...

(And welcome back! We missed you!)

Lucy said...

*Hugs* to you and Chienne! I hope you're both feeling better soon. (And I'm very glad you're back blogging, even if it took me a couple of days to comment.)

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