Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I drafted a post entitled "No Change" on Monday. It is now Wednesday and my situation remains fairly constant. I work about 14 hours each day. I eat while reading email. I dream of arguments and tasks and meetings while curled comfortably in bed.

I have, however, adjusted in the remarkable way that people do. I have to do a tedious task? I'll complain but I will finish first and do it well. I have to organize an important meeting? I will draft documents and presentations, make phone calls and double-check arrangements. I made less money and get less credit than my colleagues? I continue to take shots at Adam and feel fragile and wounded, but I've continued to show up early each morning and stay late every evening.

"I may have to leave," I typed to Adam as we chatted today. He's out of the office and I'm a good chat buddy since I type so fast. "I don't see any other way to reset the baseline and I'll always feel like I'm being promoted into a job title and salary I deserved long before."

I rolled my eyes and responded with a sarcastic "sure" when he did the whole 'I hear and accept and empathize with you' routine.

"I worry about you personally," he typed and I nodded before replying "Most people do." I live to work. I take this really, really personally. I'm not in love and that's unlikely to change. I don't take care of myself and may have a nervous breakdown when my dog dies (Please, God, not for a long time.)

"How about you fix me professionally," I decided, tapping out the words, "and I'll go from there?"

But, like so many things, change is slow to come.

1 comment:

Psych Post Doc said...

How did this happen? Did they discount your post doc years as non industry experience? Or did you just not negotiate as much as the other?

I hope Adam makes it right for you, but another offer would really help. If it doesn't seem to be moving quicker then maybe you should start sending out some resumes even if you don't want to leave. :(

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