Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A bit of brightness

"Are you freaking kidding me?" I exclaimed to Friend when she said my flowers were unlikely to bloom this year. We dug them up late in the season last year, spreading apart the tight clumps of green into neat rows around the edge of my flower bed. Then we had to dig them up again when her mom told her we'd planted them too deep.

"What are they?" she asked while we sweated over the work.

"I don't know," I replied, pausing in my complaints that I was hot and tired and this was hard. "Lillies, I think. The other side blooms sometimes." I waved my hand across the front walk and remembered the white flowers with the pink center. "These never have."

"They're irises!" I told her a few days ago. "One bloomed and it's an iris - well, I think - and it's yellow and beautiful!" I've long loved these flowers and have sighed over the ones that bloom for other people. Vivid purples and bright whites. I wished I had some of my own. And now I do! And they're this perfect, sunny yellow!

I made it to campus today, dropping off trash along the way. (The dump was closed and I had dead bunny in my trunk that I was not taking home again. So I stopped at Friend's old apartment complex, hoped I wouldn't get arrested for trespassing, and dropped of garbage there. I'm resourceful!) I printed Friend's paper to evaluate sentence readability (well, I printed 34 of the 63 pages - that's a lot of knowledge there), turned in my receipts from my trip and lent Boss the conference CD. Feeling relatively productive, I decided to send an email.

Dr. Icing,

For some reason, I think you know someone at the Place I Want To Work. I was thinking about it this morning since the hiring committee will meet within the next couple of weeks re: Position that I badly want. I wondered - if you do have a contact there - if you (or he) might be willing to write a quick email to talk me up a bit. If not, that's fine too. I think I was impressive enough at the interview, but it never hurts to be sure. (Chatting about work stuff).

Thanks, Katie

He replied immediately, said he did know someone there and forwarded the email he'd sent to his friend.

It was great to see you at [redacted]! I am contacting you because a friend and collaborator at Current Institution – Katie [LastName] – has applied for a position [there]. Katie is brilliant and she would be a fantastic addition to any center that would be lucky enough to recruit her.

As I was writing this, Dr. Icing forwarded the email that his friend had sent the hiring director that talked about what a "terrific addition" I would be, spoke of my "excellent background" and continued that he "cannot tell you how thrilled we would be to have [Katie] as part of the [group there]." I have a post planned about how I feel weird about submitting journal articles to editors I know personally. Yet I'm perfectly happy to exploit any resource that occurs to me to find employment in the fall.

The biggest boost - apart from the compliments that had me dabbing at tears (I'm quite emotional lately) - was that I did something. The problem with not finding suitable postings at the conference was that I didn't apply anywhere new. Waiting while being completely passive has weighed me down with pessimism over the entire job search. I need to do something - anything - and Dr. Icing helped me do that. And I adore him for it.

So between reading Friend's very impressive paper (Yay for Friend for being smart and writing beautifully! Even in the face of criticism!), attending a seminar and helping Marlie with some political situations that didn't quite translate without my interpretation, I felt nearly happy.

Someone I like and respect a great deal called me brilliant. I might have received an important boost in the eyes of the hiring committee. I felt more stable - I printed a paper for Boss, I answered some email and revised my to-do list. I told Marlie we'd have lunch tomorrow, feeling capable of reassuring her and offering pep talks since I didn't feel quite so heavy anymore.

It's not all sweetness and light - not that much has changed. But there was a hint of brightness today. And it seemed impossibly lovely.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why didn't you just wait until the middle of the night and then throw the dead rabbit right the fuck over the fence into your neighbor's yard?

Psych Post Doc said...

Beautiful flowers! I left a house with flowers that I planted and loved to watch bloom back in grad school town, it's been a sad point for me this spring. I'm glad you no longer have to suffer flower envy.

And congrats on asking the friend for the recommendation! That takes guts and innititive and how awesome is it that he called you brilliant. I always start to freak out if I haven't applied for any new jobs or done anything new. I feel a lot better even if I just submitting cover letters and CVs for jobs I don't really want.

BrightStar (B*) said...

Definitely irises. Lovely!

And yay for being thought of as brilliant! :)

Citronella said...

Yay to your brilliance!

And I'm glad today brought you a bit of brightness.

post-doc said...

PhysioProf:
You clearly don't know me at all if you think I could fling a dead bunny over a fence in the darkness. No. A thousand times no.

Psych Post Doc:
I'll miss my flowers too! Friend and I planted a hydrangea last year and it's bouncing back from the drought it suffered in its first year here. I can't wait until it blooms and I coo over my irises quiet often.

I controlled stress on my first job search by continuing to apply for more and more positions. And it worked quite well. I can't pull it off this time though - my energy level has dipped and I can't summon the energy to apply for jobs I don't want. So the email worked well for lifting my mood. Plus, networking is a skill I should employ more often.

B*:
Thanks for the confirmation! And I think they're pretty too. It makes me happy every time I look outside. While Dr. Icing is pretty excited about most everything (he's very intense and optimistic), the brilliant compliment was lovely.

Citronella:
I could deny the brilliance, but I'll enjoy it instead. So yay!

TitleTroubles said...

Yes, PP. Thanks for the laugh. I needed that. (Katie throw a carcass over a fence, at any time of day or night. Good one.)

Cath@VWXYNot? said...

Way to use your network!

post-doc said...

I'd never stop screaming. Even the mental image makes me shudder with horror. Poor dead bunny. Even carrying the garbage bag yesterday made me gag a little. I had to keep it very far from my body at all times. And I was very aware that it was in the car with me. Ew.

post-doc said...

CAE:
I'm a little embarrassed that it took me that long to remember to ask for Dr. Icing's help. But it did work out very easily once I did. I'm crossing my fingers that it means something to the hiring committee.

Amanda said...

I can sympathize. I used to have to work with animals for research. I had the hardest time boxing them up to take them to the incinerator. Ew..

Glad that things are looking up and your flowers look pretty.

TitleTroubles said...

I confess that H and I may have laughed that night about what would happen when you realized you had to put it in your car and drive to the dump. Maybe. Just a tiny bit.

Anonymous said...

wow, i missed a poor dead bunny story? and yay for good prospects on the job front, keeping my fingers crossed for you!

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