Saturday, June 16, 2012
Interview - Recruitment-Style
"I'm honestly not sure," I replied, "But I'm very flattered by the interest. I'm actually happy in my current role."
"But you took the call," he challenged easily and I opened my mouth to reply before closing it, unsure of what to say. So I smiled sheepishly.
"I actually missed the call," I corrected him. "But, yes - I did call back."
"It happens to all of us," he said, having switched companies himself. "When the other side just looks too green to skip a second look."
I tell myself sometimes that I'm not unhappy. When Sibling asked what that meant, I frowned and tried to explain.
"Let's say there's a continuum of happiness," I decided. "Where zero is utter misery and pain and ten is ecstasy. Happy would be 7-10. Unhappy would be 0-3. So if I'm above 3 but below 7, I saw I'm 'not unhappy.'"
And though I'd not admit it in an interview (of course), my professional number has probably hovered around a 4. I'm sick of so many policies and procedures. I don't understand some people. And while there are so many reasons to love what I do, I somehow just don't.
"To research?" I asked. "Am not," I pouted when he nodded but soon grinned at him. "I don't want to return to the world of academics."
"So what do you want?" he asked.
"I don't know," I sighed after a long pause. "I think I want more responsibility, but I actually just want more power. I'd like more money, though that seems selfish since I do have enough. I want to live near my family. I want to have a dog. I don't know."
"You want that job," he told me firmly and I nodded obediently, doing my best to get it during my trip to their headquarters. I read old notes and textbooks. I reviewed documents and practiced interview questions in the car. And I took my prettiest dress and favorite jacket and shiniest flats.
"Nervous?" one of them asked.
"I must be getting old," I replied. "Because I'm really not." And it was easy to pause before answering questions. To answer honestly and articulately. To be proud of my responses as I highlighted projects and accomplishments that reminded me that I should feel better than "4" about my career.
"Any concerns about my background? Is there anything I can address while I'm here?"
"Not from me," the VP replied and returned my smile. "It's a team decision, honestly, but I know all I need."
And though I'd rather love the job I have, I may take this new opportunity if offered. There is something about a do-over that I find appealing. Scary-as-hell, but appealing nonetheless.
So my head aches and stomach cramps and I sleep more than any human should. But my dad is feeling better (!!!!!!) and they're thinking of coming to visit next week. And I have a number of projects which demand my attention and make me feel productive. We'll see what comes next.