Friday, October 14, 2011

One of Those

You know when you're standing up after using the bathroom and realize the back hem of your skirt was in the toilet?

Or when, after deciding that you'd simply rinse it in the sink, catch sight of the fact that you're wearing those crotchless tights you made after you dated that guy who requested but never actually saw them?

And when weighing the completely disgusting thought of having urine on your clothing against being seen in a public restroom without underpants, someone walks in and begins talking to herself - in a loud, frantic way - about how her mama didn't raise her to be late?

And you wonder whether she was late for an appointment in this giant building that was hosting your visit or if she was late in the way women say when they believe they are pregnant?

Then worry over whether she'll have the baby in the restroom while you and your dirty skirt huddle in one of three stalls?

Quickly decide you've been watching too much Law & Order and Snapped on television?

And remind yourself that while you know CPR, you are not at all trained to deliver a baby - even in the best of circumstances? And CPR isn't - to your knowledge - overly helpful during labor?

Recall that you're not the best in emergencies - like that time when the pipe burst while you were doing that experiment for the first time in 12 months and you just stared at it for a moment - watching the liquid pour from the wall and splatter on the floor as a puddle grew alarmingly quickly?

And when you realized you should call for help, you frantically stated, 'Water! Water everywhere!' rather than offering a location or your name?

Or how if you won $1,000,000 and could do anything, your main response is 'I think I'd enjoy a series of naps? After I shower and throw away these clothes?'

When asked questions you can't answer or assigned projects you can't complete or suffering through miserable cramps or debilitating depression or a general crisis of professional confidence, you just stand there in the bathroom, carefully arranged against the corner of the sink, trying to rinse the grossness out of the hem of your skirt?

If so, me, too. Want to be friends?


Anonymous said...

Urine on your clothing???

Anonymous said...


JaneB said...


Anonymous said...

I would totally enjoy a series of naps.

Psych Post Doc said...

Totally want to be friends.

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