Want to know something bad?
I spent a few hours playing Avenue Flo Special Delivery this evening.
Want to know something worse?
I was unable to find all the balloons in a game that must be geared for elementary students and cheated online so I could finish and help Quinn throw Vicki a baby shower. (To be fair, I only had trouble finding stuff - the 20th glass bottle at the beginning, balloons 29-33 on the last level.
Want to know why?
I decided yesterday, rather sick of myself, that I was going to stop some bad habits and keep myself distracted from them. So today I took a long walk. I mowed my lawn and whacked my weeds. I read a book. Listened to music. And decided to play a non-stressful (well, mostly - I did get frustrated with not finding the damn balloons) game to pass the time.
Why not work?
I'm struggling with it. The hours of effort for so little progress. The countless problems without solutions. And, honestly, I'm not that busy - I'd rather I had more projects that gave me a false sense of purpose than this extra time in which I consider the futility of my current position.
I believe I could be mildly addicted to infatuation. The breathless wonder of getting to know someone new - of wanting to know random details and meaningless thoughts, just because this new person is so very compelling. So I'm avoiding the dating sites because I feel I was frequenting them too often of late - starting to feel a slightly desperate edge to the search of someone who might save me from myself. And that's not a place I want to exist, let alone one to indulge. So I do believe the dating is hitting a lull.
Ah. So it's a spiritual kick then, is it?
Indeed. When locked in despair and panic last night, I prayed. And finally felt peaceful. Vaguely hopeful but more peaceful. So it's back to church I go tomorrow - to sing and pray and learn. In the hope that I find my balance and a path to something more... Well, something more.
So. How've you been?