Deep

I am writing quite a lot, spending hours with my laptop and drafting paragraphs and puzzling over how to articulate certain thoughts.

It helps - much like therapy, I suppose - to understand and clarify and remember and process as I attempt (and achieve, I daresay) some personal growth. There are some pages of text I expect I'll eventually share, for it's beautifully written and there's something about cataloging life on my blog that appeals to me, but there are other stories that will likely be just for me. Tucked away on in a laptop and backed up on external hard drives (and sent to myself on Gmail just in case I lose all copies), I can see myself opening the file to sigh and smile someday.

I took a bunch of the trees when I was in Chicago, and noticed all of them are somehow flawed. To get the lighting I wanted, I was shooting into the sun, which tends to saturate my poor camera's levels. It was a little windy and some of the leaves flipped backward, showing their dull undersides rather than brightly-colored fronts. But if you ignore the few pixels that aren't perfect, the picture becomes pretty - light and color and shape and texture blending into a memory that is happy and stunning.

So what can I share of my past days that weren't perfect but were pretty wonderful? I received compliments on an event I organized and I didn't obsess about the details and it went incredibly well. Lesson: Relax and it will often work out.

My head feels better but my throat is sore. I'm not thrilled with how it hurts to swallow but I'll take this over headaches any day.

I talked to Friend, both online and by phone, and got nearly giddy that I get to know her again. I missed her a lot and she's bright and funny and honest. Example...

Me: And then he kissed me. A man I really like wants to be with me and kissed me! Shocking, yes?

Friend: Actually, a little.

Me: Huh.

It is not the gushing, "Of course he kissed you! You're adorable and smart and wonderful!" that I'd get from others, but I find her delightful in a different way.

I'm keeping my head above water at work, but it's challenging. There's a lot going on right now and everyone is stretched and stressed and sick (or getting there).

I have upcoming travel - all domestic - and I'm pleased to be going places again. I've been home for a while now (which I love), but I have missed being out of the office and the lovely break in routine. Plus, I really like hotels.

Mom is feeling better and the girls are doing well. Brother is home from his first training session and appears to enjoy his new job quite a lot. I pray it works out for him this time.

Adam and I did not discuss last weekend but are friendly and normal again.

I cleaned and organized and dusted (I hate dusting for some reason) today. Rearranging furniture in my tiny living room always makes me happy. I'm not sure why, but I'm going with it nonetheless. I've also done laundry.

Someone thwarted me at work on Monday and though I saw it coming, I still hate to lose and was frustrated by the situation in general. On Tuesday, however, she proposed something lame and I was able to pounce and stomp her argument into the ground. I was quite proud of myself until I realized that we both lost and killed two projects instead of one. Then I decided to screw it, I'm manipulative enough to revive my project and work around her - she's far less vicious than I am.

Now I need to think of something nice I did... I gave all the credit for one project to my collaborators, but they deserved it. I give cuddles to an elderly black lab who wanders out to meet Chienne and me on our morning walks, but that's more for me than him - such a sweet boy. I did answer a bunch of emails from the sales team - I know it's my job, but I'm also very nice about it.

I'll go to my sweet, little church tomorrow and hope my voice holds out for hymns.

(Perhaps I should have put quotes around the title as this wasn't very deep at all. But I'm happy and sleepy and can't think of anything better.)