More content than happy

Though not as dreaded as Thanksgiving, I'm not crazy about New Year's Eve as far as holidays go. I was quite sad last year - lonely, isolated, rather pitiful. I remember having to go out when I was little - my parents dragging me a friend's party where I was overwhelmed from all the people attending. I was placed in the kids' room, away from all my precious toys I'd recently acquired at Christmas, and forced to mingle with my peers. I hated it - going out in the cold, being forced to try to sleep someplace other than my bed, the noise, not being able to readily find my mom and dad. New Year's Eve = sucky.

This year was quite different.

Though I blinked back tears when driving away from my parents, car loaded with presents and a yowling cat, I was glad to get home. I habitually clean before leaving for a trip because I suffer from real mental anguish when returning to a dirty house. So, after considerable speeding that shaved about an hour off my trip, I unloaded the animals and my precious belongings into a clean (albeit cold - save on electricity!) home. Then I fluttered around happily, stopping frequently to blow my nose or drink some juice.

I set up my new microwave and tested out the magical sensor heating feature for a cup of tea, staring in wonder through the front window of my lovely stainless steel appliance. I took down the remainder of the Christmas decorations, lovingly wrapping the ceramic pieces and nestling them back in their boxes for another year. I plugged in my new Kone vacuum in Sprout's room - I'm going to use it for litter control. New bathmats are in my master bathroom. A tealight candle holder shaped like logs sits in my fireplace. ("Is it stupid?" Mom asked when I called back to talk, just slightly lonely. "It's actually very pretty. I like it a lot." I told her, watching the 12 tiny flames flicker in my fireplace that appears to have never been used.) I neatly hung a bounty of new clothes and placed the new electric toothbrush in the bathroom. The DVD player is wired into my bedroom television, though I haven't yet used it. Sprout now has a basket for his toys and Chienne's 2 large bins are overflowing. As I made slow progress, I found myself feeling quite peaceful. Moving items around, playing with my new toys, feeling grateful I'd busily run around to clean before leaving so I could take time to enjoy it now.

I found myself strangely drawn to the laptop. Strange because it was to work. I moved data I'd forgotten off external storage devices. I created elements of a new figure for my paper then transferred them to my office computer. I checked spreadsheets and found my paper that now exists online as an accepted paper. Proofs should arrive this week and I finally smiled over the little paper. I'm proud of it. Pleased with it. Ready to do more work.

I don't do resolutions - don't feel the need to validate a holiday I rather dislike. Plus, The Plan keeps me busy enough. But when the year shifted from 06 to 07, I was content. Surrounded my things I love from people I adore. Doing work I enjoy and think is important. Wondering what will happen this year and knowing it really should be better than last. Even mild improvement is something. And if by chance things do get worse? Perhaps I'm a bit stronger than I was then.

But for now, I'm looking around at bills I've paid, the figure I finished and the list of things yet to do today. I'm glad Chienne and I took our walk already since the damn neighborhood morons are setting off fireworks yet again. (My moments of discontent spewed out in hatred at the fireworks that lasted until 2AM, and apparently have started before 9AM again. We don't do that where I'm from and I can't find it in my heart to appreciate the tradition down here.) So the dog is hiding in the bathtub, while the cat looks at her quizzically. I really feel terrible - the cold is settling into my chest, though it's retaining its ground in my head as well. But life is good. I'm blessed. And grateful.

So I'll wish you - with all sincerity - a new year that is peaceful, filled with moments of contentment and is also really quite happy.